


Remember Who I Am

by Jadders92



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Apex Games, Battle, Confessional Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Forbidden Love, Gen, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Locker Room, Loss of Identity, Love, Love Confessions, Memory Alteration, One Shot, Oral Sex, Remember me - Freeform, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Slow Burn, Vaginal Sex, Weapons, back in time, forget, it was suposed to be a one shot, kings canyon, nero - Freeform, new legend, no longer a one shot, where it all began
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21673369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadders92/pseuds/Jadders92
Summary: Caustic comes to your room after you put two in his back to win the Apex Games and be crowned Champion for the first time, what you didn't anticipate was how much he would enjoy your domination in the Canyon.EDIT: So, by popular demand, I have decided to continue this fic, it was supposed to be a one shot, but I've had an overwhelming number of people ask for more Nero/Caustic adventures, so here we go!
Relationships: Caustic | Alexander Nox/Original Female Character(s), Caustic | Alexander Nox/Reader, Mirage | Elliott Witt/Original Female Character(s), Mirage | Elliott Witt/Reader
Comments: 36
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

PRESENT DAY

There was no real reason for me to be where I was, no reason at all… aside from the fact that I put two in the back of the Prince of Darkness himself to make my team the champion team and winner of this round of the Apex Games. I had worried briefly that Caustic’s team were still alive and would come back to kill me, but I was so glad to hear the loud music that indicated we were the winners and know that I didn’t have to deal with revenge from the Toxic Trapper. 

It had been a legendary match, everyone wearing their most extravagant skins based on one thing or another, my own was an Anubis style of skin, my black and gold Reaver jacket, beautifully decorated with Egyptian hieroglyphics and my black helmet in the shape of a jackal with gold eyes staring out at my enemies. I was especially proud of the design and even Ajay said how cool she thought it was. 

None of that was relevant to my current situation, but then the mind does wander when you’re posing for the media, there wasn’t much else to do when standing in the same spot for nearly fifteen minutes, surely they got what they needed. I was feeling the need to get out of the spotlight, this was my first match and I wasn’t prepared to be thrown into such a high profile contest, but it seemed I had no choice.

I headed back to my locker room to get changed, before going into a recovery chamber for an hour. It was the quickest way to deal with the exhaustion and any wounds we’d picked up from the Games. 

That was when I heard the thick footsteps of Caustic approaching my open locker room door. I couldn’t hear his trademark heavy breathing or the gas cannisters hitting into each other, but he was still wearing his heavy-duty boots. I felt my whole body flood with panic, he was famous for not having any interaction with any of the other legends and I had no idea of what would happen if he walked into my room. 

I was just in my tight combat trousers and tight vest which was torn in three places where I’d been hit by shrapnel from grenades, it was standard gear to wear beneath your clothes, mostly to keep you dry and warm, but the one thing I was not prepared for was to see Caustic in his tight, long-sleeved thermal. 

He was surprisingly muscular, in fact, it was now very obvious that his skins where a lot thinner than anyone realised, his whole body looked like it was in the best condition it could possibly be, his hips were narrow and his waist was covered thick muscle. How did he find the time to get to that size and work on his experiments? His arms folded over his chest and I wondered how they even managed to fit around his defined pectorals. This naturally led to my observation of his dark beard that, strangely, looked as though it had some kind of product in to make it look a little wilder than it actually was. He had a small cut on his soft lip that didn’t seem to bother him at all, the rest of his beard fit around his pink lips and joined up with his slicked back hair, that again, looked like it had some kind of product in it.

I caught a glimpse of his pale eyes, before realising there was a loud beeping noise coming from my arm. I looked down at my internal vitals monitor to find that my heart rate was escalating, well, that was embarrassing. 

‘Like I said, your monitor requires your attention.’ Caustic said with a wry smile, his voice wasn’t nearly as intimidating without the mask, in fact, it was low and hitting a note that I found incredibly arousing. I felt my cheeks flooding red as I tried to breathe and calm down. 

I pretended to get back to putting away my helmet in it’s case and hang up my jacket in the decontamination capsule, but apparently that wasn’t enough of a clue that I wanted to be left alone.

‘It was an impressive win today.’ Caustic entered my room of his own accord and made an adjustment to the capsule, when I looked, he’d upped the oxygen replenishment, it meant that the next time I would be able to last longer as my muscles would get a direct supply of oxygen. Why was he being so considerate? I turned back to the recovery chamber and began preparing it for the flight back to the Plaza. ‘I had to admit, I did underestimate your skill, my initial plan had been to concentrate on your teammates and leave you to a lesser team, it seems to have been a misjudged step.’

‘You shouldn’t make judgements about me, I will regularly tear apart weaker teams, yours was just the first.’ I had no idea where the sudden aggression had come from, but the beeping of my vitals monitor told me everything, my aggression was still increased from the match. I quickly turned it down and apologised for the comment.

‘Don’t apologise,’ I could feel his presence behind me, it was sending a warmth rushing through me. ‘Your personality in the Canyon was… exhilarating.’ The last word was almost said as a whisper and I had to put my hand on the glass of the chamber, just to steady myself.

‘It’s not who I really am.’ I whispered, forcing him to step even closer behind me, I could feel his breath grazing my hair. I was momentarily glad that my hair was down and his breath wasn’t directly against my skin, I knew it would betray me by shivering and I just couldn’t deal with that.

‘I hope it’s not too bold to say,’ I felt him moving his hand closer to me. ‘But I would like to know who you really are, if you would allow me?’ His fingers brushed my upper arm so gently, I thought for a moment I was imagining things.

Did he really mean what he was saying? Did he want to know the real me? Did he care about what he was doing to me? He definitely noticed that his advances were having an impact, but what was he expecting me to do? I stayed still for a moment and just absorbed the way his fingers dragged over my skin, heating me up all on their own. He reached my shoulder and somehow I could feel his own body starting to heat up. Was this really happening?

‘What are you doing?’ I whispered, just as his hand began to drag down the slightly exposed skin around my shoulder blade. He stilled for just a second.

‘Tell me to stop and I will,’ his lips were dangerously closer to the top of my head and I was dangerously close to giving in. ‘But the only thing I’ve found to be better than winning, is winning and being rewarded with a promise of a much different type of physical exhilaration.’ The way his tongue wrapped around the word had me sucking in a sharp breath and I needed my other hand to steady myself as well. I took a few breaths, just trying to clear my head of the warm fog Caustic was laying down over it. 

‘You’ve done this with other legends then?’ I tried to make it seem like I was in full control, but we both knew that I wasn’t.

He let out a low chuckle and gently moved my dark brown hair away from my neck to whisper close to my ear. ‘No. No one has ever shot me in the back before, I would consider this a privilege.’ His soft lips grazed the edge of my ear and I couldn’t help myself, I allowed my body to relax back into his muscular shape and sighed. Regardless of if he was telling the truth, I wanted to feel him wrapped around me, inside me, a part of me. 

Caustic brought his lips gently against my neck and moved them in a way that could almost be considered loving and considerate. His hands caressed my hips and waist and I could feel every part of him pressed against my back.

‘Tell me your name, Nero.’ He said. ‘Your real name.’ His teeth dragging over my jaw and forcing a deep sigh from my chest.

‘Frances,’ I breathed, and he gave me just enough room to talk. ‘Lieutenant Frances McBane.’

‘Hmm, Lieutenant,’ he whispered. ‘Will you allow me to please you?’

‘Yes.’ As soon as I breathed the magic word, the door to my locker room shut with a click and Caustic spun my willing body around, pinning me against the glass of the recovery chamber. His pale eyes scanned over my face for a moment, it was as if he were savouring the moment, before his lips brushed mine so delicately. His kiss was just as gentle and just as filled with something that resembled desire.

Caustic brought his hand up to caress my cheek as he deepened the kiss, pressing his body flush against mine. There was a considerable height gap between us, but Caustic seemed to easily be able to combat that. His tongue gently began to explore around the inside of my mouth, mapping it out and finding the things I enjoyed. I couldn’t help but reach up and run my fingers over his broad, strong shoulders and into his softer hair at the back. He seemed to enjoy it as I felt him pushing his hips into me.

‘Caustic.’ I needed to take a moment to consider what I was doing.

‘Alexander.’ He suddenly stopped, his fingers delving into my hair and pulling my waist against his body. ‘Please call me Alexander.’ It sounded an awful lot like a beg, but I was sure I was mistaken, there was no way a man like him was begging me for anything. I suddenly realised that he was waiting for me to say it, his eyes were closed, his lips brushing mine and I knew the second I said his name, something very good would happen, but the anticipation was everything to be savoured. I could feel his breath getting heavier as he realised what I was doing, his fingers slipping under my vest and grazing the skin over my hipbone.

‘Alexander.’ I sighed, loving his touch more than I think I should have done. 

He groaned into a much more intense kiss and lifted me up so that my legs wrapped around his waist. Alexander lay me down on the small bed on the other side of the room and suddenly I could feel him better than ever, every muscle pressing against mine, every movement working with me, everything that I was craving. His slightly calloused hands wrapped around my waist as his tongue danced with mine, I could feel him pushing my vest up, testing whether I would allow him to remove it. 

His lips moved down my jaw, nipping and dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin and listening to the sounds he was forcing out of me. I had to admit, I’d never really thought of him as anything but an intimidating figure in the games, but now it seemed so obvious that a man who was dedicated to the detail of science, would apply the same dedication to other areas of his life. 

Finally, Alexander pulled away enough to remove my vest, pausing for a moment to look down at my body, running the tips of his fingers over each scar and muscle. I wasn’t one for bulking up, my style of fighting required me to be a little more flexible, light weight and strong enough to carry a sniper rifle. I often used my small size to my advantage, making myself as small a target as possible. 

Alexander seemed fascinated by my shape, so much so that he seemed to forget what we were doing. He suddenly caught my eye and smirked. Alexander leaned down and ran his fingers through my hair again, pressing a small kiss to my lips. ‘I’m going to enjoy this.’ He growled and immediately lowered his head to my chest, kissing and licking around my bra, savouring the taste of my skin. It was making me wonderfully dizzy. His teeth dragged the material away slightly, enough that it distracted me from his fingers unclasping my bra and removing it so he could gain better access to what he really wanted to taste.

I felt his lips kiss my hardened nipples softly, only enough to make me want more, in fact that was all he seemed to be doing, his touches weren’t quite satisfying, it felt good but it always left me wanting more. 

‘Please.’ I begged and felt the low chuckle coming from his chest. His tongue flicked over my nipples and hands moved up my arms, pinning them above me. 

‘Don’t move.’ He commanded me, placing a soft kiss to my lips and waiting for me to nod through my panting. Alexander gently let go of my wrists, tracing back down my body until he reached my belt buckle, his beard scratched over every sensitive part of skin, making me whimper and moan desperately for him to give me more than he was currently giving. 

His expert fingers undid my belt buckle, his mouth attacked my hips with low growls and a wicked tongue. I didn’t even notice him throwing my shoes away until one of his hands drifted up my calf – I was so glad I’d shaved everywhere the night before – the smoothness of the skin seemed to make him stutter and sigh into my hips, his other hand bringing the zipper of my trousers down to reveal my pure white thong, again it seemed to be something he enjoyed more than I anticipated. 

Alexander flashed a smirk as he looked up at me. He peeled my tight combat trousers over my lean thighs and threw them somewhere on the floor, his fingers drifting over the smooth skin, before he began to knead the flesh with more intent behind his actions, like he was about to do things that required a lot more energy. It only furthered my excitement and I could feel myself shifting between my legs, just trying to find some kind of friction.

Alexander chuckled as his hand pried my legs apart, slotting himself between them and leaning down to kiss me softly. ‘I wonder if I will need more time to fully explore you, Lieutenant.’

‘Ex-explore?’ I stuttered, unable to cope with his hardened cock pressing ever so lightly into me. It was the first word I could think about and so the only one that I could produce. 

‘I think I could adequately bring you to orgasm without even touching you,’ Alexander dragged his teeth over my bottom lip and I couldn’t contain the noise that came out, it was midway between a sigh and a groan. ‘But I have a feeling I will need to earn that privilege another day,’ another harsh, intense kiss as his thumb stroked down my throat and began rubbing my nipple until it was painfully erect. ‘And believe me, I plan to earn it right now.’ 

Alexander kissed me again, like his life depended on it, his tongue tasting every part of my mouth, soon descending to my jaw and neck, still rubbing my nipple. It was unbearable, but Alexander didn’t stop there. It took me a moment to process what he said and it was suddenly clear that this wasn’t going to be a one time thing if he had his way. I couldn’t deny that the prospect of this being a regular thing excited me more than the event itself. 

‘Alexander.’ I sighed and suddenly his hips pushed just a little harder into me, I suddenly realised that calling him by his real name was such a turn on for him and smirked to myself as he took a moment to compose himself. Not once did he stop rubbing my nipple though, if anything it made his movements rougher and I found myself responding to that. 

His mouth wrapped around my other nipple as he gently sucked and tenderly kissed it, it was a sharp contrast to what he was doing on the other side and it was suddenly very clear that he was much more sexually experienced than myself. It was only slightly intimidating, but if I could, I would reap the benefits of that experience. 

Suddenly Alexander changed everything, his mouth gently sucked the now obscenely sore nipple and I thought for a moment that I would come there and then. His other thumb began it’s attack on my wet nipple, it was obvious that as much enjoyment as I was getting out of this, Alexander was excited by the noises I was making and eager to hear more. 

I couldn’t resist touching him for much longer and without any thought for the consequences, I ran my fingers through his soft hair, encouraging his mouth to tenderly lick the sensitive skin around my nipple. I felt him smiling against me, but he didn’t tell me to put my hands back above my head, instead he just allowed me to feel his soft locks between my fingers. 

‘Alexander.’ I sighed, feeling him suddenly grasp my waist and suck a little harder. Once again, I was on the verge of coming, I was so close. ‘Please.’ I begged and suddenly his pace changed, his mouth worked harder and his hand moved down my waist to the inside of my hip, it was enough to bring me to the edge, but what tipped me over was my other hand flying down to feel the size of his arm, barely able to wrap my hand around the muscle, but feeling it fully flexed. ‘Alexander!’ I cried as I came hard, letting him take control of my body and guiding me back to reality as slowly as he could. 

‘That’s it.’ Alexander chuckled into my neck, kissing the damp skin. ‘Now I know exactly how to please you, Lieutenant.’ 

‘Frances.’ I breathed. ‘Please call me Frances.’ I asked, unsure of why I was asking anything of this man. 

‘Frances.’ He whispered and I felt my body shiver as a warm rush was sent hurtling through it. ‘It seems we have something in common.’ Alexander mused idly. I knew what he was referring to, but I didn’t say anything, how could I when he was doing such amazing things to my body? 

‘I want to see you.’ I whispered and suddenly froze, I felt the warm flush of embarrassment creep up my chest and neck. 

Alexander noticed and I felt his wicked smile against my jaw as he kissed the skin softly, his thumb still running circles around my hip, bringing my arousal back up. 

‘I can feel how much you want to see my body.’ Alexander whispered, low against my ear and I could only let out a soft sigh as confirmation. ‘I don’t normally allow such things, but I am curious to see how it will effect your current desires.’ 

I still couldn’t tell if he was telling me the truth or if he was simply playing a part, but he didn’t refuse. Alexander let his tongue drift over my throat once again and positioned himself between my legs. In one sweeping motion, he tucked his fingers beneath his thermal shirt and lifted it up over his head to reveal his obscenely muscular body. 

Alexander had muscles in places I wasn’t sure anyone had muscles and they all bulged out, making him look so much more powerful than anyone knew. I wanted to run my mouth over every part of his body in some strange effort to show how much I appreciated his physical form. I propped myself up on my elbows to get a better look and saw a thin patch of hair that ran over his chest, it looked incredibly soft like his beard and hair and I wanted to run my fingers through it so desperately.

I felt Alexander’s hand graze my jaw as he looked down at me, his thumb gently stroking my cheek and moving a little closer to my lips and I was tempted to flick my tongue out to guide his thumb into my mouth. I wanted to know if it would entice him into another activity or if it would only further his frustration and bring me more pleasure. I decided it was worth the risk and slowly sucked the tip of his thumb, never breaking eye contact.

It seemed to have a more desirable effect than I first hoped for. Alexander let out a helpless groan and brought his lips crashing into mine, his hips pushing into me and I could feel exactly what I’d done. 

‘If this wasn’t about you, I’d make you pay for that.’ He chuckled low against my lips while I felt my exhilaration levels rise. The only thing that gave away my excitement was my vital monitor began beeping again. Alexander stopped everything and looked down at my arm, I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him observing it. ‘It seems your device has given you away,’ he chuckled and brought my arm up to get a closer look. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t cheat.’ I opened my eyes to see Alexander muting my monitor and kissing my wrist gently. 

It was such a strange thing to see his eyes soften and darken all at the same time, his prickling beard against my wrist sent something hot shooting up my arms and directly to my chest. He placed a soft kiss between my breasts and trailed a line of tender kisses all the way up to my mouth, where he once again devoured my lips.

I couldn’t quite understand his soft growls until I realised it was because I was unconsciously exploring his muscular torso, running my fingers through the soft hair of his chest and feeling the skin heat up. 

Alexander slowed the kiss and smiled gently against my lips. ‘I would like to hear you again.’

‘Hear me?’ I panted.

‘Hear you calling my name while I bring you to orgasm.’ 

‘It seems all you have wanted this entire time is to hear me saying you name, Alexander.’ 

He groaned with a new sense of desire, one that had him hesitating slightly, I wondered if I’d over-stepped the mark. He stilled against me, taking deep steady breaths as he tried to calm himself down a little.

Alexander brought my hands up again and placed them above my head, concentrating on the movement, before dragging his lips once again down my throat. ‘Next time, I’m going to tie your hands to the bedframe and make you beg to be touched.’

I let out an obscene groan, I would not have said no to that if it promised to be as good as this, but then knowing the scientist in this new light, I knew it would be better. He used his teeth and tongue to graze down my highly sensitive body and reached my hips once again devoting his time to increasing my sensitivity, my craving for him. I felt my legs spreading wider, welcoming him between them.

This time he didn’t tease or go slow, he gently used his fingers to spread me as wide as he could and used the full width of his tongue to drag all the up my core, I could feel the vibrations of his moans and it only furthered my own pleasure. I felt his fingers exploring my centre as expertly as if I was one of his experiments that he was taking all of his time with. I suddenly felt like that was what I was, an experiment, but when it felt this good, who cares.

His specific movements had my whole body reacting to him in no time, his low rumble of approval was vibrating against my clit and I couldn’t help myself.

‘Alexander.’ I cried and reached down to pull him into me, encouraging my orgasm to last longer. He happily obliged and continued devouring me until finally it came to an end, but it didn’t stop there. Alexander only slowed his rhythmic pumping, his fingers reaching somewhere deep inside of me, coaxing me once again to inflate with arousal, how was this even possible? 

With his other hand he unbuckled his belt and pulled his trousers down his hips, the sight alone was enough to make me moan. The definition of his hips was inhuman, I could see the top of his outrageously muscular thighs and it made my mouth water, what I wouldn’t give to run my mouth over those hips.

Alexander let me watch him for a little longer, running my hand over his forearms while he increased the pace of his fingers, I loved watching the way his muscles worked, I loved watching the way he watched me, just something about his observational nature had me soaking wet for him. 

He leaned down and kissed me once again, slowing pulling his hand away from me to run over himself a few times, without even acknowledging anything, he pulled his lips away and made room for me to watch his bicep working while he ran his hand over his impressive length. I worried for a moment that it would hurt when he entered me, but then I realised that was what his hand was for, keeping me ready for him. Alexander was definitely more experienced than he was letting on and I was loving every single second of it.

He took a slow and deep breath, his dark eyes stared deep into mine as he kissed me more tenderly than before. He propped himself on his elbows either side of my head and I felt him nudging me. My hands suddenly held onto his hardened waist and I watched desire flood in his eyes, I wondered how much I could make him come undone just by touching him, after all, that was exactly what he did to me.

‘Frances,’ he whispered, placing a soft kiss to my lips. ‘Tell me I’ve earned the privilege to do this again.’ His lips grazed over mine as he waited for my answer, I suddenly wondered why this was even happening, if it was a good idea to promise more than one occasion where I let my guard down. He hadn’t hurt me, he hadn’t even done anything I didn’t want him to do, in fact, when I thought about it, it was as if he’d already known how to please my body. ‘Frances.’ Alexander said, bringing me back to reality. He had an almost concerned look on his face. 

‘Please,’ I begged. ‘I need this.’

He searched my eyes for something I wasn’t sure of before pressing the most passionate kiss I’d ever felt to my mouth, groaning and slowly sliding inside me. I felt my jaw drop and my eyes widen at how full he was making me feel, my nails dug into his firm back, making him growl something obscene into my neck. I could tell he wasn’t even all the way inside of me, he was barely dipping in and I couldn’t wait to feel the rest of him.

‘Frances.’ He moaned and sank his teeth gently into a sensitive spot below my ear. My back arched and his hand slid underneath me, holding me against him so that he could once again kiss my chest, sliding his tongue over the skin and letting his teeth drag across every sensitive area he could find. 

I could feel him sliding further and further into me, somehow knowing how much I could take at any one time, before pausing to let me adjust. He continued to slowly thrust into me and an agonizing pace.

‘Say my name.’ Alexander whispered next to my ear.

‘Alexander.’ I breathed.

‘Again.’ He demanded, his hand moving to the back of my thigh, forcing me to wrap my leg around him, he was somehow deeper than before, reaching places I didn’t know existed and I couldn’t help but cry his name. ‘Again.’ He groaned and thrust deeper and harder, dragging his teeth over my earlobe.

‘Alexander.’ I whined, breathlessly.

‘Look at me.’ He breathed and the second I did, I came harder than I’d ever come before. I stopped being able to see anything, all I could hear was Alexander following me into ecstasy. ‘Frances, you’re so beautiful.’ It took me a moment to recognise what he said through the panting and low rumbling of his breathing. Alexander hesitantly kissed me again, like he wasn’t sure about what he’d just said either.

His eyes were suddenly pale once again and my vision was just about coming back into focus, it almost looked like panic. Alexander went to get up, placing one last tender, loving kiss to my mouth before getting dressed. He handed me my clothes one at a time and I was disappointed to see him putting his shirt back on, I missed looking at his body and he definitely noticed.

‘I’m sorry.’ He said, sitting down on the edge of the bed, lacing his boots back up. ‘I shouldn’t have been so impulsive, it will have disrupted your vital report.’

‘Alexander.’ I croaked, my voice not quite back to normal yet. ‘Why did you come here?’

His pale blue eyes suddenly connected with mine and Caustic was nowhere in sight. It was a pleading look that I felt immensely sorry for, what was he asking of me? Alexander lost an internal battle and slid his hand into my hair, kissing me harshly, it felt like a goodbye kiss, one that he was reluctant to let go of. 

‘I want you to remember me.’ Alexander whispered against my lips. ‘I want you to remember who I really am.’

I could taste something salty and before I could question what it was, Alexander stood up and left my locker room, the door closing sharply behind him. I was left more confused than before with no real way of finding any answers. The only thing I knew was that my body was more exhausted than before and I needed to rest before we got back to the Legends Plaza.

Alexander couldn’t stop his crying, why was he crying so hard? Why did it hurt so much? He made it back to his locker room, only Natalie seeing him in such a state, but he knew she felt the same way. Lieutenant Frances McBane was no longer the woman she once was, she was no longer Alexander’s wife. She’d long since forgotten that part of herself, her internal vitals monitor was no longer under her control and it was all his fault.

‘Alexander?’ Natalie said, cautiously at his door. He didn’t say anything, instead he sat on the floor beside his bed and cried hard into his hands. ‘You cannot continue this way. You have to let her go.’

‘I can’t.’ Alexander cried, covering his face, but feeling the young woman sit beside him, placing her small hand on his shoulder. ‘Why does it hurt so much?’

‘Because it was real.’ Natalie told him and she was right.

Frances had been the single most beautiful decision he’d ever made and simply because he decided to try being happy with her, she was punished. They should have married in a private ceremony away from any prying eyes, done it without anyone knowing about them, but the second the director of the games found out that they were in love and it wasn’t a publicity stunt, he was furious. 

Alexander had worked so hard to help Frances regain her dignity, for so long he worked to help her regain a sense of who she really was and what she really wanted. But in the swiftest of moments, the director had stripped away all of that hard work, through her internal vital monitor he adjusted the chemical balance in her body, he made her forget what they had shared every single day, he stripped her of her dignity and her destroyed her soul. She no longer recognised Alexander as a husband, a lover, a friend or anything resembling a positive force in her life, all she saw was Caustic, the character, the sadistic toxic trapper, famed for his psychopathic brutality.

He would have given anything to be free of the Games, anything to take Frances away, repair what was damaged and if that simply meant starting again, if it meant she never regained the past and could only build a new future then that was just fine, because at least she would be happy, at least he could make her happy.

For now, all Alexander had was moments in the Games, moments where he could watch her through the scope of his weapon, take out legends who threatened to take her out and on those very desperate days where he simply couldn’t be without her, he allowed her the victory; to put two in his back so that he could make love to her the way he used to in the hopes that for just a split second she would remember him for who he really was.


	2. First Day Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, we travel back a year and a half to where this all began. The day Nero arrived at the Legends Plaza.

18 MONTHS AGO

She was new, she was fresh and everyone was excited for the friendly rivalry that would turn into banter, which would turn into real competition within Kings Canyon. Elliot and Ajay were the first to greet her coming off the ship into the Legends plaza. She had won her hundredth match and therefore elevated her status to an Apex Legend, she was one of the big players now and she certainly had the skills to be a Legend. 

Elliot was leaning against one of the crates in the landing bay, while Ajay was sitting on top, swinging her legs. They chatted happily as the new legend grabbed her bag and began the descent off of the landing ship. She was small, quick, agile and deceptively strong. Her ring name was Nero, but she was known to her close friends as Frances McBane, an extraction specialist who had fought in the war before disappearing. The rumour from Anita aka Bangalore, was that she was sent into a hot zone to rescue a person of interest, but something went wrong, very wrong and Lieutenant McBane was declared MIA.

The rumour from Bangalore also included how likable Nero actually was, she had a terrifying outer shell and could do incredibly devastating things, but only in the context of war. Elliot had heard numerous stories of how McBane had single-handedly rescued units upon units of soldiers from hot zones and gotten them home safely. 

‘Isn’t there a saying about her?’ Mirage asked, causally.

‘“Silence will not protect you, but what comes out of it will find you.”’ Ajay replied with a shiver. 

‘Yeah, that’s creepy.’

‘It used to be code,’ Bangalore suddenly appeared behind them, wanting to greet her old friend. ‘One that all the extraction specialists used, meant that if a unit stopped receiving orders without explanation, you sit tight and wait for rescue, you stay quiet and she’ll find you. No question. Now it’s what we use to scare the enemy, if we suddenly fall silent, the enemy knows what’s coming and nine times out of ten they run in the opposite direction.’

‘So she’s good?’ Mirage shrugged, nonchalantly. ‘No big deal, we’re all good.’

‘She’s the best, watch your back Elliot, because if you get on the wrong side of Nero, you’re on your own.’ Bangalore smirked.

It was the first sight of the new Legend any of them had as she rounded the corner of the landing bay, she wore thick, black boots, tight black jeans and vest with a long, black, hooded reaver jacket. She carried a large black duffel bag and a rucksack, her slightly tanned complexion peeked out from under her hood as well as her dark brown hair that fell over her shoulders. 

She stopped walking, apparently focussing on one of the three of them waiting for her, Ajay jumped down from the crate, while Elliot stood up straight, it was only Anita who took a step forward as if squaring up to the newcomer. 

‘Lieutenant McBane.’ Bangalore nodded, she was barely three feet away from her. A moment of silence. McBane dropped her duffel bag and rucksack suddenly, startling Elliot and Ajay, but Anita unsurprisingly held her ground. A small smirk appeared beneath the hood and without much warning the two soldiers embraced each other like old friends.

‘Anita.’ McBane sighed happily. ‘How are you Sergeant?’ McBane had a rough voice, certainly much rougher than Elliot and Ajay had expected, they certainly didn’t expect her to display such affection within the first minute of greeting. The two women pulled back from each other and smiled rare smiles, McBane was rather beautiful, her icy blue eyes gazed out from her slightly scarred face, a lifetime of war and solitude displayed so unassumingly. 

‘Training hard, fighting harder.’ Anita assured her old friend. ‘Congrats on your hundredth win and welcome to the Legends plaza.’

‘Thanks, though I think you’ll agree, it was hardly a test. I only lost a total of twenty-eight games and most of them I was carrying injuries or teammates.’

‘Most of them?’

‘We all have our off days.’

‘We do.’ Bangalore nodded and picked up McBane’s rucksack while her friend went to grab the duffel bag.

Elliot suddenly remembered his manners and darted over to gently take the large black bag for her. ‘Hi, let me take that for you,’ he smiled, trying to hide a slight blush at how attractive he found the new legend, she had a warm face, freckles littering just below her eyes and a little over her nose, no older than thirty at a push; she was kind of cute. ‘I’m Elliot, Elliot Witt, aka Mirage.’ Smooth. ‘I just wanted to say welcome to the plaza and congrats on making it to the Legends status.’

‘Well, thank you Elliot, that’s very kind of you.’ She said and proceeded to be introduced to Ajay, neither of them could remember if they’d crossed paths before, but thought it likely considering a lot of their stories revolved around similar incidents. 

They all went to meet the rest of the Legends in the training facilities, Elliot still carrying her bag which he really didn’t mind, in fact he sort of felt like it meant they were already closer. She had asked a couple of times if he wanted her to take it back, but his mother had taught him better. 

Eventually they’d met everyone apart from Caustic and Octane who were presumably busy experimenting and running track, it was what they were usually doing around this time. Elliot walked Frances, or Fran as she had introduced herself to everyone else, to her new quarters.

‘Yeah, they’re pretty much all the same,’ he explained, as she adjusted her rucksack on her back. ‘Apart from the skills room, but that’s just where we all work on our specialities for inside the canyon, I’m sure they’ve set you up with some sweet stuff.’

‘Thanks Elliot, I appreciate you taking the time to show me around.’ She said, it was only then that he noticed she adjusted the thick material of her hood to cover up one side of her neck. She was hiding something. 

‘Oh, that’s no problem at all, I mean, I’m glad to do it.’ Elliot blushed a little again. ‘If you want, I can take you to the range tomorrow, we could get breakfast as well?’ Elliot suddenly felt like he was coming on very strong and immediately regretted it.

‘Actually, I’ve got a scheduled medical tomorrow morning.’ Frances said, a little bashfully. Elliot couldn’t understand how anyone could think that she was deadly, she was just so pure and cute. Though he figured those were the people you wanted to watch out for, you never really knew what they were capable of. ‘But we can catch up later in the week, if that’s okay.’

They stopped outside her door and she quickly figured out that it was a handprint entrance only. ‘Oh right, yeah, that’s cool. Whatever’s good for you.’ Elliot handed over her duffel bag and was silently thankful considering how heavy it actually was, but Frances didn’t seem to have any trouble at all.

It was an awkward moment where Elliot wasn’t sure how to leave it, but was equally desperate to leave it on a positive note. 

‘I’ll see you around Nero.’ Elliot tried to charm but he was aware it probably came off as a bit awkward. Frances nodded and placed her hand to the scanner, allowing herself entry into her quarters.

‘See you around Mirage.’ She said and headed inside.

As soon as she was gone, Elliot scolded himself, he messed up so badly and she probably thought he was the biggest idiot in all the outlands. He decided to head to the gym to think on what had been a mediocre first encounter.


	3. Rooftop Encounters

I was exhausted as usual, I hadn’t wanted to be rude to any of the legends, especially not Anita, but I needed to get on with settling in and getting to work. 

The room was nice, much nicer than the communal dorms on the lower levels that I had been using to get to Legend status. It was like a large one bedroom apartment, a king size bed with the softest pillows I’d ever seen, fresh, crisp white sheets, heated wooden flooring throughout the entire apartment, a bathroom with a free standing tub, almost big enough that I could swim in it and a shower that had more room than I would ever need to wash myself. The kitchen was something to be admired, I wasn’t sure how often I would use it, considering most of the Legends seemed to eat together, but it was fully stocked and equipped with everything I needed to keep my strength up. 

Finally, I looked at the large window that stretched the length of the bedroom, it faced the sunset which was incredibly beautiful and for a while I had forgotten what it was like to watch something as natural as a sunset. 

My entire life had been revolved around warfare and warzones, nothing about any of it was natural, even the people had become machines as time went on. No one had a scrap of humanity left inside them, they were hollow and I felt myself heading in the same direction. 

‘Settling in, Fran?’ Bangalore asked as I began wandering around the base. The sun was still descending and there was a nice orange light that illuminated most of the plaza.

‘Getting there,’ I nodded. ‘Thought I’d stretch my legs a bit, I’m not supposed to exercise too much before the medical tomorrow morning, but I can’t sit still all night, not after a sixteen hour journey on that damn ship.’

‘I hear ya.’ Bangalore said and continued to walk past me. ‘Roof’s the best view of the sunset if you’re interested. You never forget your first up here.’

That was a good idea. I made my way up to the roof of the plaza, thanking myself for bringing my jacket as the wind was a little harsher up there, but Bangalore was right, the view was spectacular. The orange and pink streaks shot through the yellowing clouds with staggering beauty and I was sure I would never ever want to leave the roof. The sun was almost entirely gone and I had no idea how long I stood watching it, but it felt like hours. 

I was well aware that someone had come up to the roof only a few minutes before the sun descended almost entirely, but they didn’t seem to want to interrupt me at all. So for a while the stranger behind me stood watching the rest of the sunset until it was almost dark. The company was nice, it wasn’t intrusive or unwelcome, just nice.

Eventually I turned to see a man I recognised, a towering 6’4”, pale grey eyes and a stance that dominated the space he occupied. He looked deceivingly lean, the gas cannisters and breathing apparatus he was often associated with seemed to hide his true shape which was pure muscle, his shoulders were broad and bulky and if I didn’t know any better I would have said he was some kind of record holding body builder. 

‘Lieutenant McBane.’ Caustic stepped forward cautiously offering his hand for me to shake. I couldn’t deny I was a little intimidated, even though the huge man looked so normal in his black jeans and grey denim shirt. ‘Or would you rather Nero?’ 

‘Frances or Fran is just fine.’ I said, taking his strong but gentle hand. His grip wasn’t too firm, like he was well aware of his own strength and knew how to properly use it. His grey eyes were somehow warmer than they had ever appeared during the games, softer and much more welcoming. 

‘Frances, pleased to finally meet you properly,’ he said and stood upright showing his full frame in what appeared to be a slightly awkward manoeuvre. ‘I apologise for not meeting you earlier when you arrived, I was in the middle of working. I’m Alexander.’

‘Yes, I’ve seen you in the games.’ I smiled politely. ‘And don’t worry about earlier, Octavio wasn’t their either.’

I was beginning to feel the chill in the air now that the sun was no longer preserving any warmth. ‘Yes, I saw him breaking some record on the track earlier. I presume you’ve found everything to your liking?’

‘So far I’ve only seen my room and the training facilities, but they’re much nicer than what I’m used to.’

‘It’s part of the director’s initiative,’ Alexander smiled what could only be described as a kind smile. ‘To make sure that the Legends remain at the top, we get special privileges and facilities to help us train in better conditions than the other competitors. Regular training and medicals to keep us fit and weapons and tactical training to keep us sharp.’

‘No wonder you guys win so much.’ I was trying hard to judge Alexander on what I was seeing before me, but Caustic kept creeping to the front of my mind, the man enjoyed death and that was terrifying all on its own.

‘One hundred wins is a fine achievement and from what I’ve heard of your previous activities before the games, you’ll be tough competition.’ I knew he caught my moment of panic when referencing my previous activities, but thankful that he chose not to bring it up, it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about. ‘We can go back inside if you’re cold?’

‘Yeah, it’s getting a little chilly up here.’


	4. Late Night Coffee

He tried to be as nice as he could, allowing her to go first down the stairs from the roof, complimenting her style in the games and even offering to make her coffee in the communal kitchen. 

Alexander Nox had never seen anything so beautiful up close before. She stood a little over five feet, but he presumed that was what gave her such an edge in the Canyon, no one saw her coming until it was too late. Her eyes were a light blue, but it was hard to miss how bloodshot they were, he didn’t mind because her eyes drew attention to the beautifully placed freckles beneath them, each one complimenting her face further, her perfectly shaped nose and soft, smooth cheeks were lightly dressed in those small brown marks that made her seem so innocent and pure. The only thing that upset him about her physical features was the jagged scar that stretched up her neck, a battle injury and possibly the reason her voice was tainted. It wasn’t the low roughness to her voice that bothered him, but the reason it was so, killed him and pleased him all at the same time. She was tainted.

He’d competed against her in a couple of matches that she won and couldn’t deny her skill in battle, but Nero was a Legend now and she was about to become so much better, it almost scared him. Almost. 

‘I heard you were an extraction specialist before the games,’ Alexander sipped his coffee, he was glad that they were sitting in an empty cafeteria, he felt a little more relaxed than if anyone else was there listening in on how pleasant he was being. ‘What made you start competing?’ It was at that moment that he suddenly saw the same flicker of panic from before, he wondered if she would answer honestly or even at all.

‘If I asked you the same question, would you tell me the truth?’ She was good.

‘A half truth maybe.’ He shot back, liking how she was competitive intellectually as well as physically. 

‘Okay…’ She sat back and folded her arms to think. For a moment she turned to gaze out of the window at the dark sky, before figuring out where to start and leaning into Alexander a little. ‘I was on a mission to extract three pilots caught in a hot zone,’ she started, her voice resonating with something deep inside him. ‘When I got there after two days of searching, there was nothing I could do, so I got out as soon as I could and decided whether I could continue risking my life for the cause.’

Alexander watched her for a moment, he knew the rumours that her final mission was a bad one, something went wrong and Lieutenant Frances McBane was MIA, possibly what she found led to her disappearance in a much more sinister way than she was letting on.

‘I killed my previous employer.’ Alexander stated, only half sure of why he was so honest. ‘Dr Franklin Humbert of Humbert Labs, he took advantage of me and my research in order to cover up more than just a few human test subjects. I got angry and killed him, cut off two of my fingers to leave at the scene so that everyone would think I was dead and came here to get immunity and continue my research.’ 

He gestured his hand which now had bionic fingers in place of his organic old ones, they looked just as real and watched as her face quickly turned from competitive and guarded to sympathetic and curious. ‘He took advantage of you? In what way?’

‘What did you really find on your final mission?’ Alexander shot back and her expression returned to guarded. He sipped his coffee and waited for her to make a decision on whether she was going to play the game. 

‘I see.’ She said and sipped her own coffee, remaining silent. 

Alexander half laughed and realised why she was reluctant to give up any information about her past. ‘You have immunity here, the Director has special rights to keep his Legends safe and in the games, you can talk freely and without consequence here.’

‘It’s not that I doubt my immunity Alexander,’ his name sounded so right coming from her mouth. ‘I just don’t want to talk about it. It’s a sensitive subject for me.’

Alexander could respect that and decided not to push the subject any further, if she wanted to talk about it, she would. ‘A fair choice. Though if your opinion should change, I would be more than happy to listen.’

‘Thank you.’ Her smile was radiant, it shone kindness and warmth and he had the overwhelming urge to kiss her there and then. ‘What are you looking at?’ She suddenly asked, pulling him away from the thought of her soft lips pressed against his.

‘Just you.’ He shook his head and finished his coffee, giving himself a moment to compose himself.

‘So, you don’t seem much like the guy I see running around throwing gas bombs all over the canyon.’ Frances quickly changed the subject and Alexander was glad for it, letting out a small chuckle.

‘No, Caustic is an exaggeration on who I really am, a character for the competition, much like everyone else. They needed a villain and I have the qualities to be that, to make everything a little more entertaining.’ Alexander explained. ‘I’m told it’s very profitable.’

‘So you don’t really love death? Or experimenting on people with toxic gas?’

He shrugged, trying to be honest. ‘Death is fascinating to me and there comes a point during research where you need to take a few risks to get results, so no, I don’t take a huge amount of pleasure from hurting people, but I have grown accustomed to watching them suffer. My research was concentrated on finding a way to preserve life, chemicals in gaseous form were easier for me to deal with.’

‘And so Caustic was born.’ Frances smiled.

‘He was.’ Alexander nodded. ‘What about Nero? Where did she come from?’

‘Oh, you know, its from that old saying we used to use in special forces, “Silence will not protect you, but what comes out of it will find you.” It was always the last communication any unit would hear before I was sent in to extract them, let them know to keep quiet and let me do my job.’ There was almost a sadness to her expression and Alexander was curious about it. ‘I suppose I was quite good at it.’

He nodded and tried to smile kindly at her, hoping it would cheer her up as she fiddled with the ceramic handle. Her hands looked impossibly delicate and soft, but he had a good feeling that they were strong, much like the rest of her body. 

‘Bangalore told us some stories of you rescuing her from some tricky situations.’ He offered, keeping his mind off of the way her body was shaped.

It worked and she laughed a warm laugh. ‘Yeah, she and her brother Jackson were always getting into trouble in the hot zones, but it didn’t stop them going back for more.’ 

Alexander thought for a moment, it was getting late and she looked exhausted, but for some reason she didn’t look any more tired than she had done when he first laid eyes on her. Chronic exhaustion, possibly from her time in the field, maybe nightmares, or maybe her body was just accustomed to working on less than a few hours sleep.

‘You seem tired.’ He broke her away from her thoughts. ‘As much as I’ve enjoyed this, I wouldn’t want to keep you from resting.’

‘It’s okay, I don’t sleep much anyway.’ Frances shrugged and smiled a very fake smile; it wasn’t nearly as radiant as her real smile and nowhere near as satisfying.

‘May I ask why that is?’ Alexander asked, delicately. She was so compliant with his questions so far, he didn’t want to upset her at all and risk her receding into a shell.

She took far too long to answer and he was just about to say that she didn’t need to when she finally spoke. ‘I’m a light sleeper, any amount of noise wakes me up and I don’t really fall asleep that easily.’

Alexander nodded in understanding, he wanted to reach out and hold her hand in an effort to appear comforting, but he wasn’t sure how much she would appreciate or accept his efforts. ‘You should let the doctors know at your medical tomorrow, perhaps there’s something they can do to help you.’

He noticed a slight shake of the head, an apparently automatic response to his words, but just as quickly she composed herself and smiled her fake smile again. ‘I will mention it to them. Thank you.’

‘If you want to stay up a little longer, I can show you the rest of the plaza? Maybe it’ll tire you out enough?’ They both knew that it wouldn’t, but she accepted his offer and they walked through the almost silent plaza, their talking being the only noise. 

He found much more pleasing subjects for them to speak about while they wandered around the weapons room, the range, the track, the gym, the pool and the area of the landing bay where all the Legends in-ring equipment was kept. There was a new locker room for Nero and for a moment she was taken back.

‘Is something wrong?’ Alexander asked, wondering if there was a problem with her locker room, he didn’t step in too far, acknowledging that this was her private ready room. 

‘No.’ She breathed and turned to give him a half smile. ‘I just didn’t think I’d ever get here, to this place.’ 

Alexander sighed in relief and took a seat on the bench watching her wandering close to her various suits, all of them were different coloured Reaver jackets, sort of like the one she was wearing, but these looked much more combative and useful in the ring. Each of them had sections ready for equipment add-ons, especially those that contributed to her abilities in the canyon, abilities that she would be able to work on in training. 

Her abilities were stealth orientated, her boots were silent when creeping up on enemies and her ultimate ability was to see when enemies were closing in on her team mates position, she was able to find a position to counter attack them when they did and rescue her teammates, distributing enough health to keep them in the fight a little longer.

‘You earned your place here,’ Alexander said, suddenly. She was examining her black boots and smiled taking a seat next to him. ‘No one who reaches Legend status does so by chance, you have to work hard for it, prove yourself better than the competition.’ 

Frances looked up at him with her warm eyes and for just a moment he forgot everything, he forgot who he was, where he was, what he was doing and everything that mattered, all he knew was that he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to taste her and he never wanted to know anything else. It was just as he came back to his senses that he saw the same feeling wash through her mind, she wanted to kiss him and he knew that if he leaned in just a little, she would kiss him back. 

But he didn’t do anything and nor did she, both could see the other wanted it, but they both knew that if they acted on impulse now it could ruin their reputations and their careers in the games. Alexander had to figure out whether he cared, just for a moment, he actually needed to consider whether kissing someone he’d been talking to for less than a few hours, was worth everything. She was making him feel things he never thought he’d ever feel in his life, he wanted to feel more and he wanted her to make him hers entirely. 

‘I suppose…’ her voice cracked slightly. ‘I mean, I should try and rest before tomorrow… big day.’

‘It will be, yes.’ His own voice wasn’t much better. ‘May I walk you back to your room?’ 

‘That would be nice, thank you.’ Frances smiled, placing her boots back to where they originally were and Alexander mentally scolded himself for watching her body as she bent down. 

They walked back up through the plaza in relative silence, occasionally making small talk, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable in the slightest, it was nice and if he’d been braver he would have carefully slid his hand into hers and felt the soft skin in his once again. But he didn’t, he didn’t touch her and he didn’t force her to do anything she may not have been okay with.

They reached her quarters and he was almost sad that she would disappear, but hopeful that he’d done enough to allow her to have more pleasant conversations with him during her time at the plaza.

‘I hope you manage to sleep well tonight,’ he said. ‘If not, let me know, I might be able to help if the doctors can’t.’

‘That’s very kind, thank you Alexander.’ She smiled and again, he had the distinct impression that she wouldn’t mind if he kissed her cheek lightly. 

‘Good night, Frances.’ He decided against it, already having debated the consequences in his head.

‘Good night, Alexander.’ She placed her hand on the entry pad and they went their separate ways, though he was sure he’d made a mistake in not giving into temptation, he should have just kissed her and made himself clear in his intentions.


	5. Medicals

I wasn’t quite sure what had happened over the course of the evening, Mirage had clearly formed a crush on me, probably just physical and nothing that I wanted to explore particularly, but Alexander was a different story altogether. It was like all the air was sucked out of the room when he looked at me, I was unable to think about anything else, like somehow knowing that if I kissed him, everything would be okay. 

It was an impulse and one I wasn’t about to go poking until I was sure it was worth exploring, that was if he felt the same…

Sleep didn’t come easy, but I was used to that, even with the incredibly soft bed, one that I easily sunk into and debated getting out of. I eventually got up and showered, made coffee and watched the sunrise before putting a work out shirt on that covered the scar on my neck, it wasn’t something I wanted to show off. It looked badass granted, but the story of how I got it was less so and I was sure only Anita would understand. 

‘Okay, just hop up on the bed and we’ll just do some routine tests.’ The doctor said, Bangalore had taken me to the medical facilities and introduced me to Octavio on the way, he apologised for not meeting me the day before, but it was a short conversation as he quickly explained he was trying to break another record that day. 

I was left alone with the doctor and completed all the tests in good time, the immediate results seemed good enough and soon it was time for much more rigorous testing. 

‘Some people find the next set of tests a little distressing.’

‘In what way? Like pain?’ I asked.

‘Pain, dizziness, nausea, things like that.’ The doctor said kindly. ‘You might want to lower your pain sensors and we’ll begin.’

I nodded and pulled up the sleeve of my arm to reveal my forearm, I pressed into the crook of my elbow and a layer of skin disappeared, revealing what was a built in tablet. My vitals came up, measuring heart rate, oxygen consumption, chemical release amongst other things. I found my pain centre and began lowering the threshold from normal to low. This was the machine I was becoming, my humanity was disappearing because I could make it so.

‘Excellent,’ the doctor smiled. ‘We’ll proceed.’ 

She was right, if I hadn’t lowered my pain threshold, it would have been very uncomfortable. I was prodded with needles thicker than I’d ever seen in my life, in places I was unsure of the reasoning of. I was asked to remove my shirt and place small round sensors all over my torso while I completed physical exertion tests, all of it to test my fitness and recovery times.

The doctor downloaded the recent bodily activity from my arm and made their assessments. Finally, I was allowed to leave several hours later with a recommended training programme during the new season. It wouldn’t start for another few weeks while everyone got their rest from last season, but there was no reason to do nothing.

‘Passed with flying colours?’ Anita asked as I was putting my shirt back on.

‘I suppose so.’ I laughed, handing over the results for the Professional soldier to look over. 

‘Those are some good scores.’ She said, impressed. ‘IMC never even bothered to test this high. How you feeling?’

‘Exhausted as usual.’ I zipped up my shirt so that my neck was sufficiently covered and quickly made sure my thresholds were all holding steady at normal.

‘Why didn’t you get that thing taken out?’ Anita asked, noticing it. ‘IMC would’ve had doctors to fix that for you.

I laughed and grabbed the tablet out of Anita’s hand, leading her out of the medical facility. ‘How do you think I was able to survive the hot zone every time? You think I went in with my pain threshold turned up on high, or my oxygen efficiency on low? This ‘thing’ is how I managed to save you and your brother every time you played soldiers in the middle of fire fights.’

‘Hey, come on, we were not playing around, we were doing the right thing.’ 

‘So was I.’ I shot back. I had to admit, I missed the banter with my old friend. 

‘Yeah, but you were cheating.’

‘It’s not cheating to have a tactical advantage.’

‘A tactical advantage? Is that what you’re calling the ability to be superhuman whenever you feel like it?’ Anita laughed, making me giggle with her.

‘Superhuman? You talking about me?’ Mirage.

‘Elliot. What are you doing here?’ Anita frowned, but I knew better. It looked as if he’d been waiting outside the medical facility for a while.

‘Just passing through. Hey Fran, how’d the tests go? They can be a little rough, am I right?’ To his credit, Elliot wasn’t a bad looking guy, he was tall, lean, tanned, with a chiselled jaw covered in a neatly trimmed beard, his eyes were dark and soft and everything that women could fall into, even his smile was charming in a dopey sort of way. 

‘Yeah, pretty much as to be expected.’ I nodded and watched that dopey smile appear on his very handsome face.

‘Great, that’s great. You wanna get some lunch? Maybe go for a swim? Or not, you know, whatever.’ Elliot blushed again and I felt a little bad, his crush was flattering, but it wasn’t something I was willing to entertain. Unfortunately, Bangalore knew how this was about to go down so took her leave.

‘Erm, you know, I was actually going to head down to the weapons range and get a little practice in while I still can’t work out properly.’ I explained and went to head off in the other direction to where I had been previously heading.

‘That’s a great idea, I could do with a little practice myself.’ Elliot invited himself to my range practice and I was suddenly at a loss for what to say. ‘What kind of weapons do you prefer, personally, I love a Wingman.’

‘Erm… I suppose a sniper is more my style.’ I said, realising that this was happening and there was no getting out of it.

I couldn’t deny that the time spent on the range with Elliot was nice, he was a lovely guy, but he was just a big joker, when it came to practice or anything else, he always needed to make a joke and after a while, I found myself reminding myself to laugh. I took a chance and allowed him to sit and have lunch with me, surprisingly it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Quite by chance I caught Alexander’s eye and smiled at him, he looked good in his training gear, baggy black shorts, a tight black shirt and mustard yellow hoodie over the top; he smiled back at me as he went to grab his coffee with Gibraltar, sending something warm shooting through my body; it didn’t go unnoticed by Elliot, who rolled his eyes and scoffed.

‘That guy,’ he said and dropped the remainder of his rib bone on his plate, licking his fingers one by one. ‘You know he actually enjoys watching people die? Gets a real kick out of it in the games, just watch your back with him, he’s not always what he seems.’

‘He seemed okay last night?’ I frowned.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t know, he was nice enough when we were talking last night, he showed me around the plaza and we talked over coffee.’ I shrugged, sipping my tea, trying to make it seem casual.

‘Wait, you were alone with that guy?’ Elliot seemed to be reacting irrationally. ‘Fran, you gotta be more careful, Caustic isn’t just a character, you know he actually killed someone? Not just in the games, but in real life, like brutally killed.’

I wasn’t stupid, I knew I probably shouldn’t have been alone with anyone just yet, not until I knew a little more about who everyone was.

‘Look, I’m not trying to scare you, I just want you to be safe.’ Elliot seemed genuinely concerned and even reached over to touch my hand, but I strategically moved away from his, not quite comfortable with him touching me just yet.

‘I appreciate you looking out for me Elliot, but I am capable of telling the difference between the right and wrong people.’ I told him as kindly as I could. ‘I’ve killed people in real life as well.’ I gave a half smile and took the rest of my tea to my room to start working.


	6. Mirage

Elliot wasn’t sure what to think, he thought he did everything right, he showed concern, he took her to lunch, he made jokes and she laughed at them. After that, she got up and walked away. What was he missing? He turned to see Caustic and Gibraltar chatting over coffee, frowning at the older man, why was he alone with Frances that night? Only one way to find out.

‘Hey big guy!’ Elliot caught both of their attention.

‘What’s up brother?’ Gibraltar cheered happily.

‘Not you. You.’ Mirage pointed at Caustic who just frowned, a little amused. ‘You were with Fran last night?’

‘I was.’ Caustic stood up to his full height, still with that amused look that Elliot didn’t like at all. 

‘Yeah… well… just so you know, Fran and I are, you know, we might be… so just watch your back.’

‘You and Fran?’ Gibraltar suddenly laughed, the sound booming off of every part of the cafeteria. ‘You gotta be kidding me, I don’t think you’re her type brother.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Elliot was getting annoyed, he and Frances weren’t together, but what he felt was real.

‘She’s a soldier, she seen real war,’ Gibraltar said matter-of-factly. ‘You ain’t. She ain’t here to play with boys like you, she’s here to win the games brother.’

Elliot was a little lost for words. ‘Yeah, well… I like her and I don’t want her to be scared off by… by you.’ Elliot couldn’t deny he was intimidated by the larger man, but he was sure he was doing the right thing.

‘I wouldn’t dream of scaring off such fresh competition.’ Caustic smiled that creepy smile he had in the ring and it was enough to make Elliot want to leave immediately. He backed away, trying not to go too quickly, but trying to get away all the same. Maybe Ajay was training and he could join her.


	7. An Exchange of Words

‘Well, ain’t that something?’ Gibraltar laughed. ‘Mirage has a crush on the rookie.’

Alexander hummed in agreement, he wasn’t exactly happy about it, but there was nothing he could do, if Frances wanted to go out with the younger man then that was her choice, but he couldn’t help but remember the moment they shared the night before.

‘You alright, brother?’

‘Fine.’ Alexander sipped his coffee. ‘I have research to do.’

He left Gibraltar alone in the cafeteria and decided not to think on Mirage any longer, it didn’t do him any good. He spent the remainder of the day working on a new experiment in sleep deprivation, only stopping to head up to the roof to watch the sunset. His attempt the night before had resulted in his night with Frances and it wasn’t at all unpleasant.

Alexander made his way up and found the exact same sight as he had the night before, except this time Frances was sitting with only her tight vest on as she looked out at the orange sky. The second she heard someone behind her, she grabbed her black hoodie and put it on so that he couldn’t see the rest of her scarred body. He gave her a moment to adjust herself before he went over to sit next to her.

‘May I?’ He asked and watched her nod, pulling her sleeves down her arms and carefully placing her hair around to hide the scar on her neck. He almost hated that she was covering herself for his sake, a few scars never put him off anyone, if anything, he preferred it, it let him know that they had felt things to the extreme. 

They watched the sun go down in silence, Alexander didn’t want to disturb her peace and quiet, he wanted her to feel comfortable around him.

‘I forgot to tell the doctors about my sleep.’ Frances suddenly said. He looked over at her and frowned. ‘During the medical today, I should have told them about my lack of sleep, but I guess it just slipped my mind. I’m just so used to it now.’ Her small laugh was a sad one and Alexander felt himself wanting to cheer her up.

‘Well, there’s always next time.’ Alexander smiled, but there was something on his mind. ‘May I be so bold as to ask the nature of your relationship with Mirage?’

‘Elliot?’ Frances frowned. ‘Erm, I don’t know him too well, why?’

‘I saw you having lunch with him today,’ he decided to tread carefully. ‘You looked like you were having a pleasant conversation.’

‘Yeah, I suppose it was pleasant enough. He’s funny.’ She nodded, but Alexander wasn’t exactly convinced. 

They remained silent a little longer until the sun was entirely gone, but for some reason they didn’t move. Alexander couldn’t find the will to move first, but she was starting to shiver and beginning to play with the edge of her sleeve nervously. 

‘Would you like to get coffee with me?’ Alexander asked, hopeful that they could share another night together and he could once again forget everything. Perhaps this time would be different, perhaps he would act on impulse.

‘Maybe just some tea.’ Frances nodded, again that half smile that somehow seemed forced appeared on her face. 

They walked down to the once again empty cafeteria and Alexander made her some tea, carefully taking note of how she liked it and doing his best with the instructions given: ‘two sugars and just introduce the milk.’ Easy enough. 

‘Thank you.’ She said, enjoying the first few sips.

‘It’s no problem.’ Alexander took a brief pause. ‘I apologise if this seems a little forward, but I am a curious man. You seem a little distant, was everything satisfactory with your medical?’

If he didn’t know any better, he would have said Frances was about to burst into tears, but she held onto them tightly and refused to let any of them go. 

‘Everything was fine.’ Her voice cracked. ‘I’ve just got a lot on my mind at the moment.’

She didn’t elaborate any further and Alexander continued to watch her sip her tea in silence. He wondered if there was anything else he could have done to make her feel better about whatever was getting her down.

‘Is there anything you would like to talk about? Perhaps I could help you with something?’ 

Frances looked up from her tea and eyed Alexander carefully, it was like she was staring a hole into him, trying to find something that had long since been lost and he was more than happy to let her go poking around inside his mind, if that was what she wanted. 

‘I think I just need to take some time to get to know everyone for a while.’ She concluded and he was left with more questions than answers, though Mirage did jump to mind. Did he say something about him that made her so closed off? Was it something to do with his crush? 

‘What would you like to know?’ It was a stab in the dark, but he wouldn’t refuse to answer.

‘The truth?’ 

‘I can do that.’ She almost looked surprised at his response. ‘Can you?’

‘I’m not sure… maybe not quite yet.’ 

‘Trust is a two-way street, how can I be sure of who you are and what I tell you will be safe if you don’t take a chance that I might be the same?’

‘I suppose you can’t.’ Frances had a much more genuine smile on her face and it pleased him to no end. Alexander casually leaned on the palm of his hand watching her beautiful eyes scan his face.

‘Do you have a specific question you’d like to ask?’

‘Several.’ She shot back. It made him smile, enjoying the new playfulness she had.

‘I see. Well, I have just as many,’ he swallowed knowing that this was a good chance and could easily be squandered if he wasn’t careful. ‘You have a scar on your right hand, I’m curious as to how you got it. Perhaps you have a question of equal value I could answer?’

Frances paused for a moment and considered his offer, her face was unreadable and all he could do was wait.

‘Do you go up to the roof often?’ She asked and it surprised him, he thought she would ask something a little more personal than that.

‘Yes, when I’ve had a bad day without results from my work, I like to take some time to think on the reasons surrounded by fresh air.’ Alexander couldn’t stop smiling as he gestured to her hand. 

‘It’s from recoil on a RE-45, my own fault, I should’ve just used a different gun. Had to shoot with my left for the rest of the mission.’ Frances half laughed, playing out the memory in her mind, before her pale blue eyes met his once again. He could feel his whole being slipping away, her face was radiant and perfectly pure. ‘What kind of research are you doing?’

‘It’s in sleep deprivation,’ Alexander wasn’t nearly as interested in his research while he looked at her, he felt himself able to give up information so freely when she asked and without a care about what he was really saying as long as he could keep watching her. ‘I’m testing the mental limits of subjects who are sleep deprived for extended periods of time. It’s quite fascinating.’

‘Is that why you’re talking to me? And watching me like that?’ Her face suddenly dropped and Alexander felt his heart sink.

‘No.’ He said and without thinking he reached over to hold her hand and reassure her. ‘I enjoy your company, I have no real cares for my research when I talk to you, you are a welcome break from everything else and I had a deep hope that I would be able to spend another evening with you tonight.’ It was the tears that threatened to escape again that had him panicking over what he said, but the small twitch of a smile that settled him slightly. It was only then that Alexander realised he was gently stroking his thumb over the back of her hand.

For a moment they both concentrated on the movement, Alexander was focussed on how soft her skin was beneath his rougher thumb, but it only took the slight movement of her finger against his palm to have him looking up at her closed eyes. He tried to continue the motion just to spend a little longer looking at her face freely and without her judging him or herself, but it was short lived and when she opened her eyes, he pulled his hand away. Her eyes were much darker now than they had been before and Alexander felt an unnatural urge to scoop her up and explore her entire body properly and with absolute precision.

‘You asked me two questions,’ he cleared his throat and sipped his coffee, allowing her the space to compose herself as well. ‘My first is where are you from?’

Frances frowned, not quite understanding why he would ask such a question, but she didn’t bother denying him an answer. ‘I’m from Solace, around the same area as Natalie, but I never met her before the games.’

‘I see.’ Alexander took a breath, ready to be denied an answer. ‘My second question is… did you enjoy the way I touched you?’ Frances’ face dropped again and a stunning pink blush formed beneath the freckles on her cheeks, she didn’t seem to know how to answer. ‘I think my question has equal value to yours and I answered as honestly as I could.’

‘I suppose that’s true.’ She nodded and took a moment to swallow a mouthful of tea. ‘I… I did… enjoy it… yes.’ 

‘Good.’ Alexander smiled widely and for the first time since he could remember in his life, he felt elated. He wasn’t expecting her to elaborate on her response, he couldn’t pressure her like that, not the way he’d pressured so many others, instead he found more pleasure in playing a game of patience. ‘Would you like to go for a walk with me?’

‘I would love to.’ That radiant, beautiful smile stretched over her face and once again, Alexander almost forgot himself. 

They walked around the plaza, trading relatively harmless and nothing questions about his previous research and missions she’d had where something funny or strange happened, but there were some things that Alexander wasn’t going to get her to talk about in a hurry, like the scar on her neck and the reason she felt self-conscious enough to cover herself when he arrived on the roof that evening.

‘It’s just hard for me to talk about and it’s kind of complicated.’ Frances explained as best she could. They sat on one of the benches in the indoor pool, staring up at the reflection of the Apex Logo on the ceiling, it was quite something and it appealed to Frances so Alexander didn’t mind staying there for a while.

‘Complicated in what way?’ He suddenly asked, realising that his question was laced with pressure for her to answer. Luckily she dealt with it easily.

‘It’s just not something I’m comfortable talking about until I’m sure I’m in the right company.’ 

Alexander nodded and left the subject for a while. They continued to stare up at the ceiling in silence and he allowed his mind to wander for a while, thinking on how pleasurable it could be to swim with her, hold her close to his body and kiss her against the edge. 

Frances took a deep breath and it broke him out of his thoughts, it was probably a good thing to stop before it got out of hand. She had her eyes closed and gently bit down on her bottom lip, causing something hot to run through Alexander’s body. He observed every curve of her face and neck, the scar just visible above her black hoodie and the way the soft skin stretched over her jaw, she was beautiful and he wanted so badly to cover her being with his mouth, to worship every part of her allow her to be free of any insecurity about herself.

Soon, he could see that she was slipping into sleep, something she had previously stated was difficult for her to do and he wondered idly if his presence had anything to do with it. He could have watched her all night given the chance, just to see how long she could sleep for and how deeply. But it was not to be.

‘I can feel you staring at me.’ She whispered and Alexander chuckled, embarrassed at getting caught, but it didn’t stop him staring when she opened her eyes and turned towards him. 

They were so close and Alexander completely forgot himself, he slipped away from reality and the only thing that was real was her, the only thing that mattered in all of existence was her. He could feel her breath against his mouth and he was sure if he just moved a little more, he could kiss her, taste her, just once and he was sure he’d be satisfied.

Frances suddenly looked away and Alexander felt his heart drop so hard and fast he thought he may have lost it completely. ‘It’s getting late.’ She said, frowning at the floor. 

He swallowed hard, but agreed and walked her up to her room so that she could finally rest.


	8. First Match Hesitation

I loved the closeness of Alexander, I’d never felt so safe and so calm in anyone’s presence before, but Elliot’s warning kept playing in the back of my mind, he was still a man who’d been angry enough to kill his boss, no matter the reasoning, it still happened.

Despite that, I couldn’t find the will to stay away from Alexander, I spent most of the off season with him, watching the sunset in silence and talking over coffee afterwards. I adored those evenings for one reason only, I didn’t have to change who I was in front of him.

Elliot had become more tolerable, but only because I had adjusted my chemical balance when he was around, it made his jokes easier to laugh at and forced a higher release of dopamine. It wasn’t something I was a stranger to doing, when in high pressure situations, I often would adjust my chemical balance to accommodate the people around me, making myself appear more patient, less prone to frustration and more likeable. 

It had been during one of the evenings with Alexander that I had become so comfortable that I rolled her sleeves up, exposing my forearm. At first, I had been ashamed, but he didn’t seem to care about it, other than being naturally curious about how the tablet worked and if I needed help maintaining it, he had even suggested using it to make sleeping easier, but it wasn’t an option.

‘I have to manually change it, so if I go to sleep, I have to rely on someone else to reverse the chemical balance in order to wake up again.’ I explained and his face was painfully sad.

Alexander didn’t bring it up again, instead he focussed on the good things, the things that made me laugh and smile and if I didn’t know any better, I would have been sure I was falling for the scientist.

It was a silly notion, he couldn’t have been interested in me in that way, he probably just wanted to make me comfortable enough to study me, that was what Anita had suggested anyway, though Gibraltar and Ajay weren’t so sure.

‘I dunno,’ Gibraltar said, spotting me while I lifted a few weights. ‘He don’t get curious about anything not worth getting curious about.’

‘He’s a scientist,’ Bangalore cut in. ‘All he knows is experiments and research. Best stay away from him rookie, act on the side of caution.’ She winked as I popped up the weights on the last rep.

‘Nice one,’ Gibraltar cheered and helped put the bar back in place. ‘I’ll put on another couple of kilos, we go again.’

I sat up panting and took a mouthful of water, laughing at his enthusiasm and trying to get some fresh oxygen into my lungs. I thought through the next few sets about what my friends had said and thought about my conversations with Alexander, maybe they were right, he was only curious about my biology and my electronic vital monitor. 

I could feel a whip of pain running through my chest at the thought that Alexander was using me to do research, all those moments I had forgotten myself in his company, felt his hot breath against my mouth, been so close to him that if I moved just a millimetre, I would be kissing him. 

I thought about the feeling of it nearly every night before I lay down in bed, I stayed awake thinking on it, the moments between sleeping I seriously considered going to his room and just acting on impulse, but instead I just turned over and tried to go to sleep and think about the games.

The first match of the season was approaching and I was under no delusion that this would be one of my toughest matches, I needed to win at least five matches to keep my Legend status. So many people had faltered in their first season and fallen short of the mark, I knew I couldn’t fail, there was still a reason I was there and I couldn’t lose sight of that.

Sometimes I felt my real mission slipping to the back of my mind, particularly in the moments when I was filming my promotional clips and introducing Nero as the new Apex Legend. In a strange way, I loved it, coming up with all those one liners, finishing moves and finally getting the chance to show off my style of combat to a chorus of cheers. Elliot had helped with the flair and Alexander had given me a few ideas for what I could say. 

I had found a new rhythm in my life, I’d upped my dopamine release with Elliot and found him much easier and even enjoyable to be around. I kept my evenings with Alexander a secret, but soon began watching the sunset from my room instead of the roof, if he really was only talking to me to research me like some test subject then I needed to severe ties and quickly. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy his company, but I couldn’t risk my mission.

‘Looks like we’re on a team with Wraith.’ Bangalore cheered. ‘We’ve got your first match in the bag, your stealth, her portals and cover from my smoke bombs, this will be a breeze.’ 

‘I agree.’ Wraith appeared behind us, ready to go and with a look that said she was focussed elsewhere. ‘We will win.’

‘Oh you think so?’ Gibraltar boomed. ‘I got Ajay and Elliot with me, who do you think’s got the better chance?’

‘Still us,’ I scoffed playfully. ‘I can hear Elliot breathing two floors away, what chance have you got when he can’t keep his comments to himself?’ 

‘Oh is that right?’ Elliot rounded the corner in just his tight vest, he was season ready and his muscles were bulging just right. ‘I’ll have you know, I am ready and pre- pre-… yeah I’m ready, bring it on Nero.’ He winked at me and his stutter was actually rather charming. 

The Legends dispersed and quite by chance I caught Alexander’s eye, he seemed a little upset, but there wasn’t any time to talk to him, I needed to get ready for the match.

I went with a simple, hooded, combat Reaver with black goggles and black stealth boots that stopped below the knee, I was ready to fight. I looked badass and mysterious, everything Nero needed to be. I didn’t risk anything and lowered my pain threshold to the minimum, elevated my senses and increased oxygen efficiency, there was no reason not to, the games had no rules as far as advantages were concerned.

The drop was as expected, we followed Bangalore into the Cage with three other teams, systematically took out the other players and made our way down to the ground floor.

‘Someone’s got a shot on me.’ Wraith said over the communicator. I quickly brought my R-301 up to assess the outer and upper part of the cage, I couldn’t see anything. 

‘Everyone on me.’ Bangalore said and as soon as she broke cover, she was knocked down by a sniper. ‘They got me.’

‘I can’t see them.’ I said and quickly darted out to draw their fire. It worked.

‘Right here.’ Wraith began firing above the upper level, no wonder I couldn’t see them. I quickly switched out the R-301 for a Triple Take and fired off four shots to eliminate another team. It was just in time to revive Bangalore and head towards the Hydro Dam.

‘Ring’s closing in thirty seconds. Let’s move.’ I commanded over comms and we began fighting our way towards the Dam.

‘Half the squads are gone.’ Bangalore announced and we began running through the open ground towards the Hydro Dam. 

I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, there was a team incoming from the Swamps. ‘Enemies incoming. Be ready.’ I said and slid into the first building I saw to set up a sniper position. 

‘Enemy, this way.’ Bangalore spotted them as well, Wraith set up a portal between two buildings for a quick escape if needed. They cautiously made their way into the Hydro Dam, I kept Pathfinder in my sights, ready to down the robot the second they made it close. ‘Firing!’ Bangalore suddenly shouted and there was no more time to wait. 

I eliminated Pathfinder and the other two squad members were finished off by Wraith with Bangalore covering with a couple of smoke bombs. 

There was little time to loot the death boxes and refill any ammo or health packs we needed before escaping the closing ring and running towards the far side of the broken repulsor. 

‘Only one squad left.’ Bangalore announced and she was right, it was crunch time, they had to be close. I rounded a corner and got a face full of toxic gas, I began coughing heavily feeling the gas fill my lungs and suddenly we were in a fire fight with Caustic, Octane and Wattson.

It was by chance that I managed to take out Octane, he’d come speeding around the corner with low health and was easily taken out with a couple of bullets. I only had twenty rounds left in my R-301 and Wattson had just been downed, where was Caustic?

‘I’m down.’ Bangalore said over comms and another round of bullets took out Wraith, I was the only one left to find Caustic and take him out before he took me out. 

I quickly recharged my body shield and listened close for where he was. Suddenly, I heard a gas trap being set up behind the wall I was leaning against, he was right there. Magazine change in the assault rifle, tactical ability on and around the corner to surprise him. The only thing I didn’t count on was the slight hesitation in his eyes, for a fraction of a second I was looking into the pale eyes of Alexander before he began lifting his gun and I remembered where I was. 

I emptied the magazine and depleted all of my shields with the last bullet downing him and making my squad champions. Nero had won her first match. 

‘Here are your champions.’ The voice over announced and Bangalore, Wraith and I were quickly restored to full health and teleported to the winner’s circle to pose for the cameras.


	9. Snapped

Alexander sat in his ready room contemplating his decisions in the ring, he knew full well that he hesitated and that his reflexes kicked in a long time before he actually made a move for his gun, he could have easily won the match.

He tried hard not to think on the reasons why he didn’t want to win that badly, but all thoughts led to her.

‘Hey, better luck next time brother.’ Gibraltar said, just as Alexander left his room with his training bag. Like the rest of the Legends, he was in his hoodie and shorts and ready to rest up from the match. 

Alexander could hear Ajay congratulating Frances at the door to her room and purposely decided to head straight up to his room to work. He wouldn’t watch the sunset on the roof that night and he did everything he could to avoid her for the rest of the week. It wasn’t that Alexander didn’t want to see her, but he knew that she saw his hesitation and he couldn’t bring himself to lie about why just yet. Avoidance seemed the best solution to that.

Over the course of the next two matches, there were moments where he could see her in the match and part of him was filled anger for why she had spent more time with Mirage and not him. He’d gotten over his own petty avoidance plan, expecting her to be on the roof waiting for him, but she never was. He broke cover to go after her squad and when he did, he was taken out and failed his team.

Alexander missed the late nights with Frances, so much so that he began saying good morning when he saw her up early before heading to the gym. She always engaged in pleasant conversation, never turning him down and never seemingly wanting to walk away. He was incredibly confused by her display and wanted to ask her openly and honestly what was going on, but he couldn’t get her alone for any length of time to make it seem like casual conversation. 

The moment that Alexander knew he cared far too much was when he was walking down to the ready room for the fourth match of the season and he saw something that made his entire being ignite with rage the likes of which he hadn’t felt in a long time. Elliot and Frances hung back a little from the group they were with, he had his hand placed on her lower back and everything in Alexander wanted to run over and push him off the walkway, but instead he just continued to head towards the opposite walkway so as not to disturb them. 

Everything seemed to go into slow motion, Elliot’s hands wrapped around her hips as he pulled her eagerly into him and pressed his lips to hers. Alexander stood still unable to do anything, he thought he might scream or punch something or even just leave to go back to his room, but nothing happened, he just stood until it was over and Elliot smiled that stupid smile he always had and took Frances’s hand leading her to the ready rooms.

Alexander could see from where he was standing that Frances was faking her smile and it was the only thing that stopped him doing anything irrational, if she’d enjoyed it, she would look radiant and she didn’t. He tried hard to focus on the match, but his anger continually got the best of him with six finishers in a row, he was blazing through the squads, praying that Mirage was still around so he could finish him off himself.

Finally, he got his chance, Mirage was down and Gibraltar was closing in on the third member of the squad. Caustic slowly approached the young, foolish man and with three well placed shots, he was eliminated. He had hoped that would satisfy his anger, but it didn’t seem to do much other than give him a taste for finishing off Mirage, he wanted to repeat the action over and over again.

It was down to the last two squads and Nero wasn’t having the best game, being dragged through the match, she was struggling. She was in his sights and with just a fraction of a hesitation, Caustic knocked her down, but he couldn’t bring himself to finish her off, instead he just allowed someone else to empty a magazine into her and moved on to win the match, hating himself even more.

‘See brother, I told you your mojo would come back.’ Gibraltar cheered in the winner’s circle, but Caustic couldn’t hear him, he was still thinking on her face when he shot her, she was scared of him and though it was part of the game and nothing personal, it felt like a deep bruising wound was forming in the shape of Frances McBane.

‘The outcome was inevitable.’ Caustic replied as per his menacing character.

The sunset didn’t seem so calming over the next week, Alexander found himself getting angrier and angrier at the sight of Frances and Elliot together, the way he hung off of her was particularly annoying. Why couldn’t he just respect her and treat her with the gentle touch she so richly craved? Alexander would have done, he would have been kind and soft with her, he would have made her radiant smile appear at every turn, he would have kissed her with her permission and never forced anything on her. But it seemed that was all Elliot was really doing, at least from the outside.

To Alexander’s great surprise he heard those familiar light footsteps approaching from the door to the roof, he braced himself for the sight of Frances smiling and looking so happy in her new relationship. But that’s not what greeted him, instead he looked up to see the tired and sad face of someone who should never feel sad when in his presence. 

‘Can I sit with you for a while?’ She asked, her voice cracking.

Alexander nodded instinctively and moved over to give her plenty of room, to his surprise she sat close to his body. Perhaps she needed something more than company? They sat quietly for a while before Frances began rolling up her sleeve and brought up her vitals, he could see that a few tears had already escaped her eyes and she was raising her dopamine release.

‘What are you doing?’ Alexander asked, hoping for an explanation as to why she was crying in the first place.

‘Just upping my dopamine.’ She said very casually and finally landed on the screen to increase it.

‘Don’t.’ He suddenly said and Frances looked up at him, confused, her eyes were red and looked sore. ‘I don’t want you to change yourself in front of me.’

‘You want me to just sit here and cry for a while instead?’ She said with an accusing tone.

‘Of course not.’ Alexander shook his head and turned a little more to face her. ‘I would prefer you allow me to help you, perhaps we could stay here until the sun goes down and then get coffee? Like we used to?’

Frances took a moment and her blue eyes stared holes into him, trying to find something that they apparently couldn’t see. 

‘Why did you hesitate in my first match? You had the win, but you didn’t take the shot.’ She suddenly asked and he knew the game they played, a trade of equally valued questions, but this was an answer he wouldn’t give up easily.

Alexander sighed and looked at the orange sky, deciding whether he even wanted to ask the question, but knowing that if they were going to move forward there were some things they both needed to be sure of. ‘Are you happy with Elliot?’

He watched her eyes widen just a little as she looked away at the sunset, the answer was so clearly no, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. 

‘Frances, do you change yourself to be with him?’

‘That’s two questions.’

‘And you’ve answered neither of them directly.’

‘Well, you haven’t answered mine either.’ She shot with a little more venom.

‘Fine.’ Alexander could feel his anger building. ‘I didn’t want to hurt you. I hesitated because I didn’t want you to get hurt by my hands.’

Frances froze, everything seemed to stop, she just looked up at him and he could feel that familiar feeling of reality slipping away again. He wanted to get lost, he wanted to forget everything and only see her, nothing in the world mattered except her radiant smile and he longed to see it again. 

‘Elliot is a nice man.’ It sounded rehearsed. ‘He’s kind and funny and he wants the best for me.’

‘Don’t lie to me.’ Alexander shot back. ‘You don’t think he’s funny, you don’t even smile properly when he kisses you, he doesn’t do it the way you like.’

‘And how would you know that?’

‘He kissed you before we dropped,’ Alexander snapped. ‘I saw you on the walkway, he held you wrong and was too impulsive,’ Frances stood up and stepped away, just far enough to get a little space. ‘You smiled afterwards but you didn’t mean it.’

‘You don’t know…’ she trailed off and Alexander was sure she couldn’t finish the sentence without breaking down, but he wouldn’t mind if she did, he just wanted her to be happy.

‘No, I don’t.’ Alexander stood up and carefully kept his distance behind her. ‘But at least I would have asked. Does Elliot ask you anything?’

It was a long time before she finally breathed the word ‘no’ and Alexander felt his anger shooting upwards, how dare Mirage treat Frances with anything less than adoration for who she was. 

‘You and I have an agreement, as far as I’m concerned there are no limitations of subject matter.’ Alexander hoped she could see what he was getting at, he wanted her to ask him to be with her, to finally make her happy and radiant again. But she didn’t say anything, not for the longest time.

Frances eventually turned around and looked at him with her sad, red eyes and she smiled, it wasn’t a happy smile exactly, but a quick glance at her vitals and he knew that he had at least done something to help.

‘If I asked you to kiss me, would you do it?’

‘If that was what you wanted, yes. I would.’ Alexander took a breath praying that she would ask, he wouldn’t hesitate, he would allow himself to forget everything. 

‘The thing is, if I ask you to kiss me, I don’t know if I’m ever going to want anyone else.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘You and I wouldn’t work,’ she looked just as pained as he felt. ‘You could never understand the real reason that I am here, you couldn’t resist the temptation to investigate the limits of my vitals monitor and you couldn’t love me in the way I love you and I’m sorry, Alexander, but I just can’t risk it.’

He was stunned, not an easy thing for anyone to do, but the mass of information he’d just received wasn’t processing quickly enough for him to really understand what she had just said. The only thing he could really focus on was that she loved him.


	10. Spoken Word

I hated how I left things with Alexander, I hated that I told him that I loved him, I hated the way I did it, I hated that he didn’t say it back and I hated that I left before hearing him say anything at all. I wanted him to say that he loved me back, that when he was around me he felt the same things I did, but he didn’t say anything and I couldn’t feel the pain anymore.

I went to Ajay’s room to vent, just to tell someone how I really felt, to get everything out in the open.

‘Well that is something.’ She said, sitting on a chair that hung from the ceiling across the room, while I sat on the edge of her bed. ‘You need to relax, if you don’t like Elliot, you tell him. Don’t let him walk around this place thinking you’re in love when you’re not.’

‘I know, I need to be honest with him.’ I sighed and held my head in my hands. ‘What about Alexander? What am I supposed to do about him?’

‘Caustic? I still think he’s bad news,’ she said, honestly and I appreciated it. ‘But the heart wants what the heart wants, you just gotta be prepared for the consequences if you get it wrong. You call me.’

‘Yeah.’ I nodded. We sat in silence for a while and I was aware it was getting late. ‘I suppose I should go, let you rest.’

‘Hey.’ Ajay said, just as I got to the door. ‘If you love him, you tell him straight and don’t walk away until he tells you the truth, you hear?’

‘Yeah… yeah, I hear ya.’ I smiled what felt like one of the more genuine smiles I’d had in a long time. 

‘And when the mid-season break comes up, we go dancing and drinking. That’s a lifeline promise.’

I couldn’t help but let go of a small laugh, she never failed to cheer me up when I needed it.

The next few matches were tough, I still needed another three wins and I was running out of chances. I told Elliot that I needed to focus on the reason I was there and he was sweet about it for a while, he promised to give me space, but when it looked like I was getting closer to Octane and Gibraltar, he would step in and show his jealous side. I decided that enough was enough, I couldn’t focus with him looming over me every second of the day.

‘I’m not looming, I’m just making sure you’re okay.’ He defended on the walkway just before a match. 

‘Elliot, my job before I came here was to go into the most dangerous war zones and rescue soldiers that had an impossible chance of being found.’ I snapped. ‘I killed people, real people, just to complete my mission. I lowered every chemical in my body to stop myself showing any mercy in front of the enemy, so that if I saw one, I wouldn’t hesitate, I would just point and shoot. I was good at that. I don’t need anyone to make sure I’m okay, I appreciate that you’re concerned, but quite frankly you have no right to be.’

‘I have no right?’ Mirage was starting to appear through the cracks. ‘Fran, I care about you. I want to make you happy.’

‘What you want is a girlfriend you can show off to all your friends.’ I couldn’t stop my anger building. ‘I’m not that person, I’m sorry but I’m not… I’ve been tampering with my vitals when you’re around, making me seem more likeable to you.’

Elliot took a calming breath, it wasn’t the reaction I thought he’d have. ‘I know.’ He finally said and I just blinked a little shocked. ‘I know you’ve been increasing your dopa-dop-‘

‘Dopamine.’

‘Whatever. I just thought that maybe after a while you wouldn’t have to, that… I don’t know, that maybe your body would start doing it on its own? I don’t really know how this stuff works.’ It was that boyish, helpless look that I had actually started to really like about him. ‘I just wish you’d given me a chance to get to know the real you, given me a chance to make you really smile, you know?’

‘Yeah, I know.’ I nodded and felt a little ashamed and that maybe I didn’t give him the chance he deserved. ‘Look, it’s not that I dislike you, I’m just not used to being in a relationship with anyone, I’m not really supposed to know what that’s really like and I felt like you were coming on a little strong.’

‘I guess I was.’ He suddenly couldn’t look at me anymore and I hated.

‘I’m sorry, I should have been honest with you in the beginning.’

‘Yeah, you should have… but maybe I should have just asked you what was wrong instead of pretending like everything was okay.’

We stood for a moment, before Elliot looked up at me and gave a forced smile. We held each other for a moment and it felt nice to have his arms around me, the way your best friend holds you.

The match was about as tough as it should have been, I was on a team with Pathfinder and someone who’d only been in six matches before now. We got down to the last six squads before being eliminated. 

We were teleported straight to the medical facility on the dropship to assess any injuries and I was glad to find the only thing wrong with me was a torn ligament in my knee. I barely felt it until I raised all my vitals back up to normal, but I was told to keep the pain threshold low so that I wouldn’t have to feel them testing it and figuring out how bad it was. 

I was given a quick fix and crutches to go and watch the rest of the match, Lifeline and Caustic were sitting watching the match and it seemed everyone else was still in it. When Ajay saw me coming into the Legend’s viewing room, she got up off the sofa and let me sit, the only annoying thing was that I was sitting incredibly close to Alexander and I could already feel the tension rising.

We didn’t speak, even when Ajay left to apparently check her elbow that had been injured in the match, we still sat silently concentrating on the remaining competitors. I kept routinely checking my vitals to keep an eye on my knee and I knew he was watching my every movement. For a moment I thought he was about to say something, before Pathfinder came back with Ajay chatting happily to each other. 

The ride back to the plaza was spent trying not to fall asleep fidgeting with the wrapping around my knee. Ajay had already adjusted it and I knew that Alexander had wanted to help, but he didn’t say anything, he just sat and continued to watch me out of the corner of his eye. I couldn’t wait to go on a night out with Ajay, she knew how to let loose.

Finally, the chance came a couple of weeks later when the season went on a two week break to allow the competitors to rest properly. It was good that I was spending time on my own just getting on with work and not having to deal with Elliot or Alexander in any capacity other than casually or in the Canyon, it gave me time to think about what it was I was really doing in the games.

I’d picked out a cool dress to go partying in, Natalie and Ajay had shown me theirs and I decided to wear something that made me feel good. With Ajay’s expertise in prosthetics, she made sure that none of my bad scars were visible, I didn’t mind the little ones, but the ones that stood out upset me, made me feel like I could never go out wearing a dress. Tonight was the night to change that feeling.

My dress was a mauve, chiffon flow, skater dress, stopping half way down my thigh with thin straps over my shoulders and a V-line that revealed enough of my chest that I felt sexy. I wore mauve heels with the dress and curled my brown hair to sit lightly over my shoulders. For the first time in my life I looked in the full length mirror and thought I looked good. 

The door rang just as I was topping up my mascara, making sure my eyes looked smoky and sultry as Ajay explained it. 

‘Come in.’ I called and heard the door open behind me, but no one said anything. I turned to see Alexander standing just in the doorway, he was in his black jeans and grey denim shirt, the same one as when we’d first met. For a while neither of us said anything, he just watched me in shock and I suddenly didn’t feel so attractive. The door closed behind him and both of us snapped out of ourselves. 

Alexander suddenly looked at the ground, his cheeks flushing pink, much the same as mine were doing. Maybe the night out was a mistake.

‘I’m sorry, I forgot you were going out tonight.’ He said, still unable to look at me.

‘Yeah, with Ajay and Natalie. We’re going to a karaoke bar… not really Anita’s scene.’ I suddenly felt very embarrassed about the way I looked, maybe it was too much. ‘Alexander,’ I got his attention. ‘Be honest with me?’ He nodded eagerly and took a step forward. ‘Do I look okay? It’s not too much, is it?’

‘No.’ He said, quickly I felt my whole body light up red. ‘I mean, no, you look… beautiful.’ He breathed. ‘But…’ my moment of happiness was short lived. ‘Your scar, the one on your neck-‘

‘Prosthetic skin.’ I explained, confused as to why he was focussing on that part of me. ‘I’d rather people not see my faults so clearly.’

‘You think your scars are faults?’

‘Well… yeah… don’t you?’

Alexander took another step towards me and shook his head with a small smile. ‘I think you look more beautiful with them.’ I didn’t quite understand, what kind of person enjoys the faults in others? I knew the answer to that question, the sadistic type of person who loves broken things, takes pleasure from their pain.

‘Well, I feel good when I can’t see them.’ I stood my ground and turned to see myself in the mirror, trying not to let emotion get the best of me. The last time Alexander and I really spoke, I told him I loved him and he said nothing back. I had nothing more to say to him. 

‘I feel good when I can see you.’ It was so quiet I was almost sure he didn’t actually say what I thought he said. I looked at him through the mirror and the eyes I’d remembered so often as being pale, were much darker than I’d ever seen them.

‘Why did you come here?’ I swallowed, nervously. I had no real idea of who Alexander was anymore, some days, I thought he was kind and nice and caring, other days, he was Caustic. 

‘Because I have been foolish to ignore my feelings for you.’ Plain and simple and entirely terrifying. He took another step closer to me, I could almost feel his body heat behind me. ‘I came here tonight to tell you that I feel the same way and I would be honoured if you would allow me to be with you?’

I felt a hot tear run down my cheek, was this really happening? 

‘I do not wish to experiment on you,’ he said, almost reading my mind. ‘I do not want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable… I just want to kiss you.’ I could see the emotion building behind his eyes now, his hands fidgeting as he resisted reaching out to me. I felt my own hand slowly reaching back towards him, he didn’t hesitate. That familiar hot surge ran through my arm and into my chest as Alexander gently ran his fingers over the back of my hand, caressing my fingers and dragging his thumb over my wrist.

I wasn’t sure when I’d closed my eyes, but I only opened them again when I sucked in a sharp breath. The rough pads of his thumb against the thin and sensitive skin of my wrist was amazingly arousing, I couldn’t help but imagine his beard scratching against me and making me feel more blissful pleasure. 

I felt his body behind mine, his other hand carefully placed on my opposite shoulder, his grip barely enough to keep me in place, instead he was simply letting me know that I could surrender to this, I could fall into his touch and forget everything I ever knew before. I listened to his breath getting a little heavier as his chest connected with my back, he was warm and comforting. I felt my hand instinctively come up to hold his that was still on my shoulder, allowing my head to fall back against his chest. 

I was momentarily thankful that I decided to wear proper heels that night, it made me just tall enough that we fit together nicely. I could smell the familiar scent of Alexander, a mix of cleanliness from being in a lab all day, some unknown aftershave that smelled faintly of ginger and something else that was entirely him; musky and hot and a pleasant invasion of my senses. 

I felt his lips just next to my ear, breathing heavily as his thumb continued to run circles over the painfully sensitive skin on my wrist. His voice was heavy and filled with desire as he spoke in no more than a whisper. ‘I want kiss you.’ It wasn’t a command and it wasn’t an order, it was more like a question, an unsure line that he wanted to step over.

I turned my head, letting my forehead rest against his cheek and I knew that all I needed to do was turn my body and I would finally have everything that I ever wanted. To forget. 

Alexander carefully let my wrist go so that I could turn and face him. I pulled back enough to look at his darkened eyes and found myself gently biting on my lip. Everything about him ignited something inside me, even the way he looked at me meant that a pool of warmth sat in the pit of my stomach. 

‘Tell me how you would kiss me?’ I whispered, feeling his breath against my mouth, he was so close. ‘You said I never smiled properly when he did it, so tell me how you would do it.’

Alexander pulled back just a little so that he could see me properly. He swallowed thickly and his eyes drifted over every part of my face before he smiled, I never felt good about the way I looked, even those rare moments when I looked at myself in the mirror, I thought I looked okay, but it was nothing compared to the way I felt now, under his warm gaze. 

‘I would start,’ Alexander’s voice was low and hitting all the right notes already. ‘By looking at your face, your happy, crystal blue eyes,’ his gaze began following his words. ‘The freckles that sit below them, I would count each one and think about how perfectly pure they make you look. Your cheeks that have a wonderful habit of turning pink sometimes,’ I couldn’t help but smile as he spoke. ‘A stunning pink that let’s me know what you’re really thinking. Your nose that turns red when we drop into the canyon and makes me want to hold you because I can tell you’re cold… and then your lips.’ It was only then that I realised I was biting a little harder on my bottom lip. ‘I would savour the thought of how soft they look, so full and what I can only imagine is a perfect fit against mine. I would gently run my hand through your impossibly soft hair,’ his hand mimicking the motion and the rough pad of his thumb brushed my cheek, settling against my jaw and continuing the gentle strokes from my wrist. ‘I would slowly pull you closer to my body so that you would feel safe.’ His other hand was surprisingly gentle against my lower back, he didn’t pull me so much as I instinctively pressed my entire body against his, feeling his lean waist with one hand and curling my hand into the collar of his shirt, in case I lost all control of my legs and needed him to hold me up. ‘I would savour where we were for just a moment longer, knowing that this is the last time I will ever have to imagine what it feels like,’ I could feel his mouth grazing mine and I knew I’d stopped breathing. ‘Because the second I kiss you, will be the moment I willingly forget everything I ever knew… except you.’ I took in a sharp breath, feeling my heart thumping hard against my chest, his lips grazing mine, teasingly, agonizingly slow. 

‘Alexander.’ I breathed, it was a beg, we both knew it was. I felt him smile, before he pressed his lips firmly to mine. A glorious pressure that ignited every part of my soul and made me forget everything. All I knew was the feel of his hands against my skin, his fingers pressing into my body and finding out how to make me grip his waist a little harder, his lips delicately tasting mine, his beard lightly scratching my sensitive skin, his tongue running over my bottom lip before gently dragging his teeth over the flesh and forcing a deep groan to escape my chest. 

I felt his reaction so clearly, his hips pushing into mine and I so desperately wanted to feel more. I wanted Alexander to make me his completely. I felt my own tongue exploring his mouth, wrapping around his and making him hum in approval as I began to take control.

The door chimed. Both of us stopped, we breathed heavy against each other, I couldn’t explain my sudden rage at whoever was at my door, but they needed to leave. 

‘Who is it?’ I called and placed another kiss against Alexander’s mouth.

‘Ajay Che here. You ready?’ Ajay said through the speaker.

‘Fuck.’ I whispered and felt Alexander chuckle against my mouth. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Tell them you’ll be out in a minute.’ He said, lowly. I didn’t know what else to do.

‘I’ll be out in a minute.’ I called and heard the speaker turn off. 

It was only then that we took in everything, I suddenly remembered everything that I had previously forgotten and my cheeks began to ache with how much I was smiling. 

‘I, erm, I should go.’ I said, noting how handsome he really looked when he smiled. ‘You can stay until we’re gone if you want.’

‘I think the circumstance demands it.’ His cheeks flushed that gorgeous shade of pink and I realised that I was still pressed against him and able to feel everything that had happened during the kiss. ‘For what it’s worth… you look radiant.’

‘Radiant?’ I laughed. ‘Well, I’m glad you think that…’ I sighed and began finding my legs again, stepping away just enough that we could begin to calm down. ‘I knew I was right.’

‘About what?’ Alexander frowned, a little worried. 

‘I knew that as soon as I kissed you, I wouldn’t want to kiss anyone else ever again.’ I confessed and felt my cheeks light up pink. Alexander brushed his thumb over my warm cheek and dragged his eyes over my face, taking in everything. I missed the way he felt against me and the way his mouth worked against mine. 

‘You should have fun tonight.’ He said and his thumb moved to my tired lips. ‘Go to your karaoke bar, sing, drink and dance if that’s what you like. I don’t mind waiting until tomorrow to kiss you again.’

Alexander reluctantly pulled his hand away and shoved his hands in his pockets, just so he had somewhere to put them that wasn’t on me. I took a breath and turned to do one last check of myself in the mirror.

My hair was a little messy, but in a strangely sexy way, my lips were swollen, but calming down, nothing a little lipstick couldn’t fix. I was ready to leave, walking straight was the next test and luckily I just about passed. Alexander watched me do my checks with a satisfied smirk on his face, it almost irritated me had the kiss not been the best kiss I’d ever had in my life.

I was so ready to have a good time, to sing my heart out, drink until I couldn’t see and dance until I couldn’t feel my feet.


	11. Get Some Sleep

Alexander waited for just a few minutes, praying that Frances, Ajay and Natalie were gone by the time he was able to get back to his room and deal with the repercussions of his first kiss with Frances. 

He stepped into his darkened apartment and took a deep breath. His bed had dark sheets that were messy and falling off from where he never made it. Beakers and research equipment lay everywhere on tables and on the ground with his notebooks, he should have cleaned up, but then he said that every time he walked into his apartment. 

Alexander couldn’t believe he was still hard, Frances had left nearly a full fifteen minutes before he made it back to his room, it should have at least gone down by now, but he had a feeling he would remain in this state until he did something about it. He unbuttoned his grey denim shirt, slipping off his shoes and carefully unzipping his trousers. The sudden release of pressure felt so much better and it was enough that he could sit back against his pillows and start gently running his hand over himself.

Alexander went back in his memory and thought about the moment he stepped into her rooms. Her legs were what he noticed first, slightly tanned, some scars littered over the smooth skin that made her look so appealing to him. Her dress was short, not in a slutty way, but simply suggestive and classy. His attention soon turned to the low cut of her back, the dress sat a few inches above the curve of her cheeks and her dark hair fell lightly over her upper back. The colour complimented her figure in every way and he had yet to see her from the front.

When she turned, her realised it was because he hadn’t said anything upon entering her room, she was more beautiful than he’d ever seen her, except she didn’t quite look like herself. He soon realised it was because Frances had covered her scars, why would she do that? Why would she take away anything that made her unique and perfectly human?

Alexander could feel himself reimagining the image of her body in that dress, the way it covered her breasts with such thin material, he was sure he would be able to taste her nipples had he been given the chance to let his mouth descend that far. Her face watched him and something that looked a lot like embarrassment started to creep over her cheeks.

He quickly skipped over the talking and went straight to the way her skin felt in his hands, so soft and smooth and clearly a point of arousal for her. Frances sighed happily as he explored the skin on the inside of her wrist, he wanted to kiss her there and make her do more than just sigh, he wanted to lean down and kiss the scar he couldn’t see, he wanted to bring his hand around and slide between her legs, make her weaken against him and listen as she cried his name.

Alexander could remember the feel of her lips, the softness of them, how full they felt between his teeth, the way her eyes darkened as he talked her through every movement, talking seemed to be another point of arousal for her, he could do that if she wanted him to, he would talk her off every chance he got if that pleased her.

Frances’ body pressed against his was enough for him to grow painfully hard in her arms, he enjoyed the delicate touch of her hand on his waist, combined with the desperation of the other curled into his shirt, he wanted her to grasp at the bed sheets in that way, unable to find anything else as he brought her to orgasm with just his mouth. He thought about every moment he spent kissing her and decided that was it, he was never going to feel that good ever again. 

Alexander panted as he recovered from what was an unsatisfactory experience, he would much rather be kissing Frances again and holding her in his arms than spend any time pleasing himself anymore. 

He sighed and reached over to his bedside table to grab some tissue to clean up with. He needed a shower and soon found his rhythm in his research. It was a fairly productive evening and any moment he wasn’t thinking about solutions or new equations, he was thinking about Frances. He hoped she was having fun and getting the relaxing evening she needed, but if she wasn’t, then he wouldn’t mind hearing about it and trying to comfort her.

Alexander heard the sound of the three women coming back at around four in the morning and smiled to himself as he heard Frances cackling and then being shushed by Ajay and Natalie.

‘I’m going to be sick.’ Natalie laughed, apparently so drunk that she couldn’t help but laugh at how sick she felt. 

Natalie’s room was closer to his than Frances’ and the sound of the women saying goodnight was far louder than they knew. Alexander grabbed his grey denim shirt, throwing it around his shoulders and opening the door to see three startled women giggling to themselves. He caught the bright pink blush of Frances as she took in his appearance, he didn’t bother wearing anything other than his briefs to bed and his shirt was left open, revealing his surprisingly muscular torso. 

‘Are you aware of the time?’ Alexander asked, trying his best to use his intimidating growl.

‘Apologies Alexander.’ Natalie giggled, making no efforts to hide her approval of his body as well. ‘We were just going to bed.’

‘We’ll keep the noise down, don’t you worry.’ Ajay winked and he still couldn’t find the energy to smile. Frances had been strangely quiet, still with the pink flush that was threatening to descend down her chest.

‘Good.’ He said and watched the three of them go their separate ways, Natalie into her apartment a little way down the hall, Ajay off to the right and Frances slowly to the left. 

Once Ajay turned the corner, Alexander looked towards Frances who hadn’t reached her apartment yet. She turned back to see him and smiled happily. She took a moment to think, before carefully walking back towards where Alexander was leaning against his doorframe. He couldn’t help but grin at her slightly off balance walk as she approached him.

‘Hey.’ She whispered. He was a little too tired to really know what to say, so instead he just smiled. ‘I’m very drunk, and I’m probably not thinking straight… but you have a really great body.’ She smiled, her face turning a furious beetroot. 

‘Well, yes, you appear to be very drunk,’ Alexander’s cheeks began to ache from his own smile. ‘And I’m sure you won’t remember what my body looks like in the morning.’ He was only partly sure she was focussed on what he was saying, her eyes were glazed and she clearly needed to get some sleep. ‘I’ll walk you to your room.’ Alexander stepped out, grabbing his jeans on his way out and carefully placed his hand on Frances cool shoulder, guiding her back to her room.

Frances took a little longer to place her hand on the panel, opening the door to her apartment, but Alexander was patient with her unstable nature and more than a little amused. She went straight to her bed to take her heels off and he went into her small kitchen to get her some water. By the time he was walking back over to her, she was leaning on her knees, holding her head.

‘Here.’ Alexander said, handing over the water and sitting next to her on the bed. ‘Drink this.’ 

Frances took a couple of mouthfuls before the room had clearly started to spin. Alexander just watched her, there was a thin layer of sweat across her forehead and her makeup was a little smudged under her eyes, but she still looked beautiful to him.

‘Can you do something for me?’ She said, staring up at the ceiling in an attempt to re-orientate herself. 

‘What?’

‘Can you help me remove the prosthetics? I shouldn’t go to sleep with them on.’

Alexander chuckled a little and carefully moved her hair aside. He could just about see the line where the fake skin started and hers ended. As carefully as he could, he peeled it away to reveal the jagged scar on her neck, the thing that made her the woman he knew.

‘There’s two more.’ Frances’ face began to turn pink again. ‘On my leg and my back.’

‘Okay.’ Alexander nodded and gestured for her to turn so that he could remove the one on her back. He didn’t even know that she had a scar on her back, but it looked to be an exit wound of a bullet, he wondered where the entry wound was and if it was just as angry. Alexander got up to dispose of the prosthetics and came back to see her peeling another piece that seemed to start from her knee and end two thirds of the way up the inside of her leg, she was having a lot of difficulty with it.

‘I can’t do this!’ Frances said, frustrated at her efforts. Alexander kneeled down in front of her and gently took over.

The skin beneath the prosthetics was soft and smooth and he couldn’t help but let his fingers run over the skin as he was peeling away the last of the prosthetic, which ended much further up the inside of her thigh than he was ready for. Alexander heard a small sigh and when he looked up, Frances had her head back, enjoying his touch. He debated whether he should have given into the moment, but he’d much rather she was sober and able to thoroughly enjoy everything he had to offer her.

Alexander placed a small kiss to the inside of her knee and gathered the used prosthetic. He felt his head dizzying slightly from her willingness to let him touch her in that way. Why did he stop? Clearly she wasn’t opposed to the idea of him touching her in such a way, so why not give in?

‘Alexander.’ She said and he slowly turned to see her still sitting on the bed watching him with a curious frown. ‘Come here.’

It took him a moment to move, but eventually he made his way back over to her.

‘Take your shirt off.’ Her voice was low and it was penetrating him in just the right way. Alexander did as she asked and allowed his grey denim shirt to fall to the floor. 

Frances stood up with a slight wobble, she let her heavy gaze drift over his torso, before bringing her hand up to his chest, carefully running her soft fingers over the skin. Alexander had a little chest hair and he enjoyed the way she ran her hands through it and down to his stomach. She was exploring his body in a way he’d never known before, memorising every line and scar he had from years inside the Canyon and a few from his research. And he was more than happy to let her see that he was the same as her, tainted.

‘You’re beautiful.’ She whispered so quietly he was sure he wasn’t supposed to hear it. Did she really think that? Or was she just too drunk to understand what she was saying? 

Her hands soon found his hips and the waistband of his briefs that showed above his jeans, she ran her thumbs over the lines of his hips, but never ventured any lower, clearly she was clear headed enough to know that she didn’t want to do this drunk either. 

‘Thank you.’ Frances looked up at him.

‘For what?’

‘For kissing me.’ She smiled and Alexander couldn’t help himself, he smiled down at her and slid his hand into her still soft hair. He pressed a light kiss to her lips that tasted faintly of some sort of cocktail, he almost lost himself against her, but regained enough of his focus to pull away and kiss her forehead.

‘Get some sleep.’ He whispered and leaned down to pick up his shirt.


	12. Wasn't Supposed To

I had a vague recollection of the previous night, I remembered drinking heavily, I remembered singing songs that I wasn’t sure I still knew and I was sure that I remembered fending off a few guys who tried to buy me drinks. I vividly remembered kissing Alexander and I thought I could remember him helping me with my prosthetics.

I woke from the daze I was in, realising that I was naked and my dress was flung on the floor beside me, I was shivering and it wasn’t helping my head any. I pulled the sheets over my aching body and saw a glass half full with water and the memory of Alexander handing it to me came flooding back. Touching his chest, the warm skin and the soft hair, all of it was suddenly invading my senses all over again. The kiss had been everything I’d hoped it would be and I knew in that moment that I was in serious trouble.

I wasn’t supposed to be getting close to anyone, I wasn’t supposed to be kissing anyone and I certainly wasn’t supposed to be falling in love. Elliot had been a distraction and an individual I wasn’t keen on distancing myself from, he would have provided a good alibi should I have run into any trouble. The complication was always going to be Alexander.

I turned over and tried to refocus myself. I needed to try to ignore my feelings for him and concentrate on my work, I would never find the truth otherwise. 

The day went on and I did everything I could to avoid Alexander, to avoid having to speak to him about what we had done. I hung out in Ajay’s room with Natalie and Gibraltar who was laughing hard at the stories we’d brought back from the bar.

‘…she was fighting off everybody in that place.’ Ajay bragged to the big man. ‘Fran is one of a kind, with a great voice to match.’

‘Oui! You sang that beautiful song I used to listen to when I was a child.’ Natalie joined in, it only made me laugh. 

I’d found myself laying on the floor surrounded by Ajay’s obscene amount of cushions and Natalie was on the bed with Gibraltar eating chocolate, it was incredibly comfortable despite my throbbing head. Sometimes it was just nice to feel my body the way it should be felt instead of using my electronic monitor to alter my chemical balance, which had my thoughts turning back to Alexander, something I was trying not to do.

We talked for a little while longer before I decided I needed to get some fresh air and go to bed once again. I walked past Alexander’s room and heard him moving around inside, it was a good time for me to be alone on the roof for a while. 

The fresh air was everything I needed to finally relax and remove the layer of grime that was caking my mind. The cool breeze made me feel a little more human and a little less filthy. I sat down in my usual spot, took a deep breath and watched as the sun began to descend in the sky. I wasn’t going to stay out too long knowing that Alexander would probably want to spend some time revising his day as he usually did. 

I was exhausted as it was and there was no need for me to continue to entertain the idea of him, it didn’t matter what I felt around him, I needed to stay focussed.


	13. The Chamber (present day)

PRESENT DAY

The ship made it back to the Plaza in relatively good time, Alexander had spent most it in his recovery room trying to compose himself, trying to keep his emotions in check. He knew full well that once the day was over, Frances would forget who she was once again, she would forget all that they had shared and she would be alone once more. 

Alexander made it a routine that he wait until all the other legends had descended from the ship before he made his way back to his room, they talked too much about his private life, he knew that, but he didn’t need to suffer their sympathetic or angry looks. Elliot in particular was one individual that was furious with him. Alexander had often wondered if he had just left well enough alone when she and Elliot began seeing each other, Frances may have been able to get through her life with her dignity still intact.

Alexander gathered his things and tried to keep his head up whilst descending from the ship, tried to behave the same way every time and pretend that he hadn’t just made love to his lost wife only a few hours previous. Alexander wandered through the steel hallways to the ramp that led out to the landing bay, but movement had caught his attention down one of the hallways, he stopped and let his curiosity get the better of him. 

‘Oh come on!’ He heard a voice whispered harshly from around the corner, he turned to find Frances had her leg caught beneath a heavy looking crate. 

Alexander didn’t hesitate, he dropped his large duffel bag and lifted the heavy black crate to find a deep cut had formed in her lower leg. He pushed the crate to one side and kneeled down to check if she was alright.

‘Are you okay?’ He asked, not quite realising that she was just staring at him. Alexander knew that look, he would know it anywhere, she had no idea of who he was. ‘Lieutenant McBane, you have a deep cut on your leg that could get infected. Can you stand?’

Her vitals monitor let out a soft beeping noise. ‘I-I don’t know.’ She stuttered. 

Again, Alexander didn’t hesitate, his anger was starting to build. ‘Here.’ He gently helped her up and supported her weight as she tested her leg. Frances let out a wail of pain as she tried to put a little weight on her damaged leg, it was definitely worse than it looked. ‘You need medical assistance. Would you allow me to take you to the medical bay?’ Alexander suddenly decided to take a chance that in some ways would be incredibly selfish of him. ‘Unless you already know your way?’

‘I don’t know where it is,’ she panted, shaking her head. ‘I’ve only just arrived from Solace.’ 

‘I see.’ Alexander felt his mind racing, was the recovery chamber in her room the source of her memory loss? Had he overlooked something so simple all this time? ‘This way.’

They walked in silence towards the medical bay and Alexander pointed in the direction of the door, but he didn’t dare step into the corridor, the security feed was sure to have picked them up by this point, there was no need to fuel the fire that was probably already starting in the Director’s belly. Alexander had already come up with his excuse, she was hurt and at risk of not being found, it would be a waste of investment. He repeated the line to himself over and over again while she limped beside him, he did his best to support her, but he worried he was going too quickly. 

‘You will already have been granted access,’ Alexander said, coldly. ‘Simply place your hand on the pad outside and you will be let inside.’ 

‘Thank you.’ Frances nodded, unsure of what to say. 

‘There’s no need to thank me,’ he shook his head. ‘Just ensure you get your injuries seen to.’

‘I will.’ Frances panted, leaning against the wall of the corridor. 

Alexander didn’t wait for her to say anything else, he couldn’t bare looking at her for any longer. 

He decided to spend the next couple of days going through his regular routine, knowing full well he would be called into the Directors office to be questioned on his proximity to Frances. He couldn’t watch her go through anymore pain and the Director knew that, everyone in the Plaza knew that, he would behave, he was in no position to do otherwise. 

However, the second he got the chance, he would go to Bangalore and tell what he suspected with the hopes that she could help get back her friend and his wife.


	14. Just This Once

Alexander wandered out onto the roof, his agitation was starting to get the better of him and he’d needed some time to mull it over. He understood that Frances would need some time to get over her hangover, but to actively avoid him for the entire day was an unusual move on her part.

To his great pleasure, he wandered out onto the rooftop and saw a small figure curled up in his usual spot. She must have been freezing and Alexander felt it was his responsibility to get her inside and warmed up, but she looked so peaceful and calm… and beautiful. The sun was already lower in the sky than he anticipated, but he needed to take a break from working and feel the cool air on his skin. Now, all he could think about was feeling her warm skin against his and holding her close in comfort.

Alexander watched her for a moment or two, but as soon as the colder night air began to fall in, she stirred. Frances shifted from her curled position slowly and began to sit up, she stretched her back and gently massaged her neck, something Alexander found himself begging to do for her. 

‘Frances.’ He said quietly behind her. She froze momentarily before turning around, her usually happy blue eyes were a little bloodshot and slightly panicked and there was a distinct increase in her breathing. ‘Good evening.’ Alexander found himself suddenly very nervous. ‘Did you have a good day?’

‘Yes, thank you.’ She breathed, before clearing her throat and getting to her feet. ‘And yourself?’

‘Very productive.’ Alexander nodded curtly. ‘You seem cold, may I walk you back inside?’

‘Actually, I’m… I’m just going to go to bed.’ She barely made any eye contact with him and all of a sudden, his nervousness escalated.

‘I see.’ He nodded. ‘I do hope you get the rest you need… perhaps we could talk about last night when you get a chance, there are some things I would like to discuss.’ 

‘Oh?’ Frances didn’t seem like herself at all.

‘Nothing to worry about, but I understand that today you may have been feeling the aftereffects of your night with Ajay and Natalie.’ Alexander explained and could see the effort was appreciated as her eyes began to fill with water. ‘Just be sure to let me know when you’re feeling better.’ 

Frances watched him for a moment, completely frozen when suddenly her monitor began beeping, as her eyes slowly flickered towards it, a small tear fell onto her perfectly rosy cheek as she quickly dealt with her sudden escalation in heart rate.

‘I’m sorry.’ She whispered. Alexander stepped forwards, unsure of what had caused her to be upset. 

‘For what, exactly?’

‘This was never supposed to happen, I was never supposed to do this.’

‘Do what?’

‘Fall in love.’ She breathed it so softly, Alexander was only partially sure of what he heard. He felt his jaw drop and he instinctively stepped towards her. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do this with you.’

Alexander could see her bringing up more than just her heart rate, she was adjusting her chemical balance and he couldn’t let her do that to him.

‘No, no, no, no,’ Alexander stepped towards Frances, gently covering her monitor and stopping her hand from getting any closer. ‘No, please don’t do that. Please.’ He could feel her shaking, she was freezing cold. ‘Come inside for a while, talk to me. Please.’ 

Alexander wasn’t a man to beg for anything, but he was begging her, he was pleading for her to see reason and only one thing would truly convince her.

‘I fell in love as well.’ He whispered, her hands stilling for just a moment, before she began shivering again. ‘I fell in love with you and I was never supposed to do that either. So let’s just talk for a while.’

Frances was just staring at him, her eyes were darkening and growing pale as she was unable to decide whether she liked that he said it or not. 

Frances soon nodded and allowed him to guide her inside to his apartment, he wished for once he would have just cleaned up his damn room. It was messier than usual, he couldn’t sit still while Frances was avoiding him without explanation and so took to his research to help him through the day. 

Alexander made her some tea and cleared a little space on his small table that he rarely ever used for anything other than an extra surface for his beakers and plans. She didn’t stop watching him move around and it only made him nervous after a while. Frances hadn’t said anything yet and Alexander wasn’t exactly sure how to open up the conversation.

He took a seat opposite her and noted how beautiful she looked in the dim light. He couldn’t lose her for any reason at all. 

‘Is it such a disappointing thing to have fallen for me?’ Alexander asked. She shook her head silently, still not taking her eyes off of him, he was partly frightened of this side of her. ‘Then why is it causing you such distress?’

He watched her take a moment, before sniffing and looking anywhere that wasn’t at him, he suddenly missed her intense gaze.

‘I don’t think we should entertain the idea.’ Was all she came up with.

‘Why not?’

‘Because we aren’t supposed to be these people,’ Frances’s eyes were building with water again. ‘We aren’t supposed to be kind and considerate, we’re not supposed to find comfort in people, especially not each other and I don’t just mean Nero and Caustic. I mean us… I have things I need to do and I can’t afford to get distracted.’

‘What things?’ Alexander pushed, it was the most she had said on the subject matter, but she still wasn’t saying anything he could use to fix this.

‘I can’t tell you.’

‘Yes, you can. I promise you can tell me anything and I will at least try to understand if not, help you.’ Alexander didn’t care that he was so blatantly begging her, he couldn’t let her leave without giving it everything he had to keep her. ‘I want to be a part of your life, Frances, I want to be the best part and give you everything you need, whatever you need… I’ve never felt like this before.’ It was almost like a realisation, his tone matched it as well. ‘Whenever I’m close to you, I just want to forget everything that isn’t you… and I know you feel the same way.’

‘It doesn’t matter if I feel the same way-‘

‘Of course, it does,’ Alexander felt himself sitting on the edge of his seat, hoping that his next words, any words, would be the ones she needed to hear. ‘It matters more than anything… Caustic is less of a character than you think,’ Alexander could feel the knot of nervousness building as he began to admit to something that would either make or break his chance. ‘I have an uncontrollable temper, you’ve seen it in the Canyon, that’s not just for show, that’s me, the real me. I don’t feel as bad as I should when people die, I’m far to used to death that it doesn’t affect me the way it should anymore. I get irrationally upset when I can’t figure something out in my research, I used to throw things and I felt like I was going blind with how much it angered me… but now, when those things happen, I think about you and I forget why I was upset or angry in the first place… I forget everything that isn’t you.’

Frances sat for a moment, she wasn’t giving anything away and Alexander felt his heart going into freefall, had he said too much? The wrong thing? The right thing? Did he upset her? Had he messed up his chance altogether?

Frances stood up and wandered away from the table, he couldn’t see her face, but he could read her body. Her hand placed on her hip, the other rubbing her temples as her head hung low, he knew that pose, it was one of frustration. Alexander stood as well, careful not to get too close and scare her away, but he stepped towards her.

‘Frances?’ He tested. He could hear her stuttered breathing, something was wrong, so he stepped a little closer, almost close enough for her to feel his body heat.

Frances turned around and a few tears had escaped her crystal blue eyes. ‘Kiss me.’ She whispered.

Alexander only had a moment to figure out if she really had asked him, before he gently slid his hand through her thick, dark hair, pressing his lips hungrily to hers. He felt the familiar softness of her lips, it felt so good between his teeth and the groan she let out was to die for. Alexander had to slow himself down before he went too far, but the way her fingers had curled into his shirt was telling him otherwise.

‘Please?’ Frances begged, though Alexander was only half sure he knew what she was asking for. ‘Please just make me forget everything,’ she leaned up to press a desperate kiss to him. ‘Just for a while… make love to me, Alexander.’

Alexander felt his knees give in and immediately lifted her so her legs wrapped around his waist, he cursed the day he decided to bulk up as it meant she couldn’t quite hold on by herself. He moved swiftly to his unmade bed and placed her small frame onto it, kissing her soft mouth, moving to her jaw, before pulling away slightly to remove her vest.

He was caught off guard for a moment, her skin was covered in small scars but it was soft and smooth and Alexander felt an unnatural need to worship it. Her shape was so unique, the perfect blend of curvy and muscular, if she had led a different life, she would certainly be on posters advertising commercial luxuries, she would be seen by the universe as the most beautiful woman and Alexander certainly wouldn’t have been so attracted to her.

He didn’t waste any time, he didn’t have any to spare, Alexander kissed down to her belt buckle, listening for a change in her moans to indicate what he should or shouldn’t have done next. Her hand ran through his hair and whether she knew what she was doing or not, Alexander could feel her wanting his mouth to descend lower. 

He quickly got rid of the rest of her clothes and realised he was still wearing his shirt. Alexander stripped himself of his denim shirt and pressed a very desperate kiss to her lips and let himself be taken over by her scent, everything about her was blurring his mind, making him dizzy and unable to focus on anything outside of his bed. Alexander kissed a harsh line down her body again, gently scraping his teeth over her sensitive skin and began placing open-mouthed kisses to her hips.

‘Please.’ Frances breathed and without any hesitation, Alexander dragged his tongue through her wet folds. He tried to take his time, to figure out what gave her the most pleasure and bring her to orgasm. But he was having trouble focussing on her and instead, all he could do was experiment with the way she tasted, he felt her legs tighten on occasion and it was the only thing reminding him that this wasn’t just about him. 

Alexander needed to hear her reach her heights, he needed to be the one sending her there. He brought his hand down and carefully inserted his finger inside her. She was incredibly tight, far too tight he realised, to accommodate him. Alexander wasn’t a man who thought a lot of himself, but he’d had enough experience to be realistic about these things. 

He began focusing, if he didn’t, he’d never get the chance to be a real part of her. Alexander was slow and methodical at first, finding out what increased the stutters in her breathing, before slowing down just enough to add another finger. He watched her fists curl into the dark sheets of his bed and knew that if he just continued to go slow and give her time to adjust then it would be worth it. 

‘Alexander.’ Frances breathed and for the briefest of moments, he lost control, pumping into her a little faster, licking her clit faster and suddenly she was there. She tightened around him as her voice let out a deep groan. 

It was so beautiful, to watch her come down was almost as pleasurable as watching her ascend, but it wasn’t over. Alexander needed more, he needed to be inside her, to feel her.

Alexander kept his hand where it was, slowly pumping in and out of her, keeping her just aroused enough that she might come again with him inside her. He quickly unbuckled his belt and looked down at her body, a thin layer of sweat had formed across her forehead, making Alexander’s mouth water. He had no real idea of where his desire for that came from, but he reminded himself that he didn’t have time to question anything.

He removed his hand momentarily to pull his jeans off, before climbing back on top of her panting body, kissing her and feeling her soft skin against his finally. 

‘You’re beautiful.’ Alexander whispered, trying hard to keep his weight off of her, but needing to be close all at the same time. He felt her chuckle as he leaned on his forearm and stroked through her hair. Frances’s hands were exploring his back, going further and further down his spine, reaching his arse, before pulling him gently closer. 

Alexander got the picture and let his hand drift down her body, his thumb tracing over her nipple, making her back arch up into him, before lifting her leg up to angle her better. He savoured the moment and softly kissed her jaw.

She was incredibly tight and Alexander did his absolute best to go slow and gentle, he eased himself inside her, listening to her loud moans of approval, needing more and more of her voice against his ear, before finally he was all the way inside her. Alexander was a part of her, within her, the only thing keeping her together and the thought alone made him involuntarily thrust deeper. 

Frances almost screamed and he reminded himself once again to slow down, he couldn’t ruin this. He gave them both a moment to adjust, feeling himself restrained and unsatisfied, he needed more, but he needed to wait for her.

‘God, Alexander!’ She panted and he brought his head up to look at her, she was struggling and felt his heart drop. ‘It’s too much,’ she whispered against his lips. ‘I don’t think I can…’

Alexander’s whole body cried and tensed, he was too far gone to stop, but he had to, if she couldn’t go through with it, then he needed to do right by her, whatever the cost to himself. He began moving to pull himself out, when she suddenly stopped him.

‘I can…’ she started, licking her lips with nervousness. ‘My monitor.’ She said. ‘Just this once.’

Alexander looked down at her and realised she was scared and in a little pain. ‘Okay.’ He nodded and let her adjust her vitals so that it took away the pain. Her eyes darkened instantly and the fear and pain was replaced with lust and pleasure. 

‘Please, don’t stop.’ Frances whispered. Alexander tested her limits for a moment, he eased in and out of her slowly, watching her eyes close as she absorbed the feeling of him inside her. 

Alexander only took advantage as far as she allowed him to, the pain was just numbed, it hadn’t gone away entirely and she would feel it again the second she reverted her pain threshold. He could feel her starting to lose herself once again and picked up the pace for all too short a time before he was suddenly growling her name into her warm neck.

For a while, they just lay panting, trying to get their breath back, before Alexander had the sense enough to remove himself from inside her and roll back onto the bed. Well, it wasn’t exactly what he expected.


	15. Next Time?

I didn’t quite remember falling asleep in Alexander’s bed, but a lot of the night was a blur, the sex was fine, about as fine as first times could be anyway, but the emotion of the whole night was overwhelming to say the least. I could feel his heartbeat thumping quietly beneath my ear, the smell of him was incredibly intoxicating and it only made me shift against his warm body.

I didn’t have the energy or the will to open my eyes just yet, if I did, I might have discovered he was awake and watching me, but I really didn’t need to open my eyes to figure that out.

‘I can feel you watching me.’ I said and felt him chuckling as he kissed the top of my head.

‘I apologise,’ he whispered, lowly. ‘I was fascinated by your movements.’

‘My movements?’

‘You seem to enjoy… listening to my heart.’ I could hear his embarrassment over his admission and couldn’t help but think it was incredibly sweet. I lifted my head so that my chin rested on his chest. 

‘It’s nice. Rhythmic.’ I said, looking into his pale eyes that were steadily growing darker. 

Alexander remained silent for a while, just simply watching me, I could see a thousand thoughts flying through his mind, never quite settling on one subject. It was only then I realised how handsome he was with his hair slightly messy and his beard a little scruffier than usual.

‘I didn’t think you would stay the night.’ He said, I felt my whole being suddenly inflate with shame. 

‘I’m sorry,’ I frowned and began getting up. ‘I can leave if you-‘

‘No.’ Alexander gently stopped me, sitting up a little, revealing the rest of his muscular torso. ‘I meant, I thought you wouldn’t want to… I am very glad that you did…’ I was very suddenly relieved and let my breath go, letting myself fall back against his chest. He chuckled and kissed my head, wrapping his arms around me. ‘But we will eventually need to bring your pain centre back up to normal.’

And there it was, the reason I’d stayed, the reason I felt I couldn’t quite leave his side just yet. I needed his support.

‘I didn’t mean to cause you any pain last night,’ he whispered. ‘I wanted it to be different.’

‘It’s okay.’ I shook my head, playing with the dark sheets of his bed. ‘Do you mind if I take a shower?’

‘Of course not.’ He said and I immediately got up, wrapping a blanket around my body and head to the bathroom. It was in the same place as my own bathroom and aside from it looking slightly more used, it was kitted out the same. 

I ran the hot water for a while and placed my hand beneath it. I could barely feel anything and knew I would need to bring my pain threshold back up just enough to tell whether the water was scolding or not. Once I brought it up just a little, I could feel something sore between my legs, I could only bring it up so much before it was too much to bear. 

I stepped beneath the water and let it drizzle down my body, relaxing the muscles as much as I could. The honest truth was that I would have much rather be under the water with Alexander, he would have helped me relax.

I knew he was a large man, everyone could see that, but I honestly didn’t think I’d have that much trouble accommodating him. He’d obviously learnt something from past mistakes, because he was incredibly gentle and slow, like he knew the damage he could do to someone. A part of me was almost aroused by the thought, but the lower part of me was a harsh reminder I didn’t need right now.

Eventually, I stepped out of the shower and dried my hair as best I could, I noticed that my clothes had found their way to the bathroom and half laughed as I struggled to put them on. 

‘Frances.’ Alexander breathed, smiling as I stepped out of the bathroom. He was wandering around in his jeans and open shirt, revealing his strong torso and I could hear the echo of his heartbeat beneath my ear. ‘Are you alright?’ He faintly gestured to my arm where my monitor sat.

‘Oh, yeah, fine.’ I nodded, trying to subtly lower my pain centre again so he wouldn’t notice.

‘No, you’re not.’ Alexander sighed, of course I couldn’t be that subtle, he was the only person in the universe who really watched me and took note of my movements and what they meant. ‘You’re in pain.’ He sat down and ran his hand over his face. ‘I can only apologise, I didn’t mean for it to happen this way… is there anything you require of me?’

‘I’m okay.’ I shook my head, realistically, I just needed to rest, it was sore, but it was clearly not causing me the distress it was causing him. ‘I just need to rest for a while.’

Alexander nodded and his head hung low. ‘I should have gone slower for you,’ he said, more to himself than me. ‘I should have communicated properly and I apologise that I let my feelings get the better of me… next time, I will make sure-‘

‘Next time?’ I hadn’t quite meant to interrupt, but the words just fell out of my mouth. Alexander’s head snapped up to meet my gaze, but I couldn’t look at him.

‘You… I thought that we…’ I turned away, unable to really have the conversation he was looking to have with me. ‘Frances?’ I listened to him standing up and approaching me. ‘I want you to talk to me.’ Alexander’s voice had taken on a new tone, one I half recognised. ‘Tell me, why can’t we be these people?’

I could feel my tears getting the better of me, but I wasn’t going to let them go so easily. 

‘Did last night mean nothing to you?’

‘It meant everything to me.’ I whispered and felt his body directly behind mine. ‘But nothing has changed, Alexander,’ I sucked in a deep breath and prayed I could get through this. I turned to face him, to at least explain things eye to eye. ‘I still have things I need to do and this was never part of the plan… I’m sorry.’

‘You won’t even try?’

‘No.’ I shook my head and for the first in my life, I watched a man twice my size with ten times my strength, cry. It was silent and heart breaking and it killed me to watch, I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to leave and never come back, but I didn’t know which part of me would win.

I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling his strong embrace around my waist. He cried silently into my neck as I ran my hand through his soft hair. I’d never broken someone’s heart before, I’d never been in a position to need to, but it was an agony I couldn’t fix with any vitals monitor. 

‘What about today?’ Alexander stuttered. ‘Will you give me one day?’ 

I sighed and thought for a moment, he was asking me to give a day of my life to him, to pretend that I wasn’t going to break his heart all over again and that I wasn’t going to leave at the end of it.

‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’ I asked honestly.

‘I don’t care.’ Alexander pulled back, not letting me go too far. ‘I just want one day where I get to be like everyone else, one day where I get to feel normal… will you give me this one day?’

I really didn’t think this was going to be a good idea, but I eventually nodded and his whole being deflated as he held me close again. He didn’t let go for the longest time and I could feel him trying to regain some composure once again.

‘Can I kiss you?’ Alexander whispered, I knew the answer should have been no, but if he wanted to pretend then fine, we could pretend for a while.

‘Okay.’ I whispered back.

Alexander didn’t pull back like I thought he would, instead, he began placing gentle, soft kisses to my neck, up my jaw, over my cheek, before his lips lightly grazed mine. I hadn’t quite meant to let out such a stuttered and exposing breath, but he just had a way of making me weak. Alexander pressed the softest kiss I’d ever felt to my mouth, it wasn’t intrusive or even pushing for anything more than simple contact, he was considerate and kind and I could tell that the day would be spent trying to remember why this wasn’t a good idea.


	16. A Hardship

Alexander’s head was a mess, he couldn’t focus properly and he felt like any moment he would burst into tears all over again. He hadn’t cried in years, but suddenly the loss of Frances was the only thing in the world that could bring him to his knees.

The plaza was only being occupied by the Legends and essential staff, who kept mostly to their offices and respective rooms, so Alexander wouldn’t feel too exposed if she wanted to leave his quarters. He had no idea what to do with the day he had with her, he just wanted to feel okay, he wanted to feel like maybe he could live a normal life, to love someone and make them happy. Suddenly he realised what he could do with Frances.

‘You slept very well last night.’ He commented while she finished her breakfast. Alexander sat back finishing his coffee, he felt a little better that he had composed himself enough to make her something to eat. She frowned at him momentarily. ‘When we first met, you said you were a light sleeper.’

Frances smiled that sweet, bashful smile she had. ‘Yeah, usually I am.’

Alexander was in two minds over whether to push for an answer. ‘Usually?’

She nodded, still smiling. ‘Usually I don’t feel so… safe.’ Alexander’s heart was inflating to an uncomfortable size. 

‘It’s a rare thing for people like us to feel safe in any situation,’ he said, nodding and trying not to give himself away again. ‘I am glad that despite the previous experience, you still felt safe with me.’

‘I always feel safe with you.’ Her beautiful crystal blue eyes pierced his. ‘I felt safe with you from the second we sat down on the rooftop together… I know what you’re capable of, I know that Caustic is a character rooted in something real, I know you struggle with your temper sometimes…’ Alexander shifted uncomfortably, he didn’t want to talk about Caustic. ‘But I never felt like I was in any danger of being on the receiving end of any of that.’

Alexander sat and watched her for a moment. ‘You know that I never wanted to hurt you, don’t you? You know that I tried not to?’

‘I know.’

He nodded, seeing that she really did understand that he hadn’t intended to cause her any harm.

‘Do you want any help with your pain centre?’ Alexander offered.

‘What kind of help?’ She shot, defensively.

‘I just mean that it’s clear you’re still feeling the effects of last night. I just want to make sure that once you adjust your vitals back to normal, you won’t feel any lasting effects.’

Frances considered him for a moment. ‘Alexander, you know that we’re only doing this for a day… let’s not make any choices that will affect the long term.’ Every time she denied his help, his heart cracked a little more, he would need to take a new approach. 

‘You said you would give me one day,’ he countered. ‘One day to do with as I please, to behave as if this was normal, to pretend that we could be like everyone else… if I was going to be like everyone else, this is what I would do… if I only ever get one day with you, I don’t want to spend it knowing that I could have helped you and didn’t.’

Again, Frances assessed him, she watched him think everything under the sun before eventually nodding and agreeing to let him try to help her. She briefly explained that they would need to go to her rooms to link her monitor up to an analysis computer that tracked her normal vitals against what they currently were. She was freezing and Alexander insisted that she wear his larger warm hoodie, if this was going to be a taster of what he could have, then Alexander wanted to show her how gentle and caring he could be. He could be good for her.

He decided not to push his luck too far and allowed her to navigate her way around her much tidier rooms, she was so much more comfortable there than in his. 

Frances pushed the sleeve of his hoodie up, instead of taking it off completely, he noted, but said nothing. She pulled out a cable and plugged herself in, laying back on the bed and handing him the tablet for him to assess.

‘My baseline is at the bottom in blue,’ she explained. ‘The adjusted data is in red just above and if you care at all, it also has suggested adjustments, but I usually don’t need that unless I’ve been in the canyon or am carrying some other injury.’ 

Alexander carefully assessed the tablet and realised several things, it wasn’t just her chemical balance that had been adjusted, it was also a multiple of personality traits, things such as desire, empathy and compliance were all below her baseline by a fairly significant amount. He wondered if he should have said anything, maybe suggest she put them up to normal?

Alexander didn’t do any of those things, instead, he brought up her pain centre and was alarmed at the fact that her baseline was so far away from the adjusted level, was she really in that much pain? Did he really hurt her so much?

‘Are you in any pain now?’ He asked as gently as he could.

‘A little, why?’ 

Alexander sighed and showed her the data. 

‘A sixty percent difference is fine, when it’s closer to one hundred I’ll be worried.’

‘Sixty percent is an overwhelming difference by both human and scientific standards.’ Alexander countered. Why was she so against complying with her own body’s wishes? Perhaps this was why she was reluctant to let herself go around him? ‘Might I suggest leaving the pain centre for now, instead focussing on these other readings?’

‘What about them?’ She frowned up at him.

‘Almost everything is out of sync with your baseline,’ he tried to explain carefully. ‘I would like to know who you really are, as oppose to a modified version.’

Frances’ eyes narrowed in on his. ‘Why?’

‘Because you gave me one day with you.’ 

She rolled her eyes and sat up, taking the tablet from him, it seemed to be a struggle on her part, he presumed it was easier for her to take the adjustments laying down. Frances navigated the tablet with ease, bringing up different screens left, right and centre, before handing it back to him and laying down again.

‘Just for the record, I don’t think this is a good idea.’ She said and got comfortable. ‘Everything will go back to baseline, except guilt and pain, those will be unaffected. Ready whenever you are.’ She sighed and it only occurred to Alexander at that moment that her guilt was one thing he never really took into consideration before, he wanted to see the difference between it and the baseline, but perhaps now wasn’t the time and he should have just taken what he could get.

Alexander watched her close her eyes for a moment, he pressed the button indicated on the tablet and watched her suck in a harsh breath, for a moment her pain centre flickered, but soon everything calmed down again and she began breathing smoothly once again. It took her a few more moments to open her eyes, but once she did, Alexander was startled at how dark they were. 

‘Frances?’ He frowned and lay next to her, checking to see if she was okay. ‘Are you alright?’

Frances turned her head towards him, her darkened eyes flickered over his face and began to water. Her soft lips began to pull up into a small smile, her cool hands were shaking and subtly reaching for him. She was happy.

Alexander smiled and brought his hand to stroke her jaw, watching her eyes scan his every feature, the more of him she took in, the happier she seemed to be. She was entirely beautiful and he couldn’t let this go. He placed a soft and gentle kiss to her salty, wet lips and felt a deep groan emerge from her chest. Alexander took a small risk and deepened the kiss slightly, she was unbelievably responsive.

He knew he couldn’t go too far and slowly pulled away. Letting his eyes open of their own accord and seeing her pretty freckles disappear into the pink of her cheeks.

‘Are you alright?’ He asked, quietly.

‘Yes.’ She breathed. ‘Yes.’ She breathed again. ‘I never thought I would have the chance to feel like myself again, I thought it would cost me too much. Why am I doing this?’

‘Because I have asked you for one day to pretend to be with me, to pretend like this is normal.’ Alexander could see her pupils dilating and her heart rate pulsing before everything dropped for a moment. It was an overwhelming experience for her, that much was obvious, but after a few minutes she was beginning to settle.

‘I’m scared.’

‘Of what?’ Alexander put the tablet down and curled his arm around her, just providing a little comfort for her distressed state.

‘I don’t know.’ Frances let a few tears go, before inhaling deeply. ‘But you smell so good.’

Alexander chuckled and kissed her forehead gently. ‘I believe adjusting your vitals has had a somewhat overwhelming impact on your senses.’

‘More than my senses.’ She smiled, gently and placed her hand on his chest. Alexander placed his own hand over the top. ‘If I asked you to make love to me again, would you do it?’

‘In any other circumstance, yes.’ Alexander confessed. ‘But I know you are still in pain and I would not cause you any more harm.’ She seemed disappointed, but she was still adjusting to the new levels. ‘I will keep my promise, at midnight, I will adjust your vitals back to what they were before we started, but will you please let me have this day proving why I think this is a good idea? I want to know you.’

‘I want you to know me, Alexander.’ Frances groaned into his neck. Her soft breath against his skin was amazingly arousing and suddenly Alexander found himself questioning why he was resisting her obvious desires. ‘I want you so much, but I couldn’t tell you that. I had to keep so many secrets.’

‘I know, I know.’ Alexander dragged the pillow from one end of her bed down so that she could rest her head against it and he could properly see her face. ‘You need to rest for a moment while you adjust… close your eyes for me.’ Frances did it immediately, Alexander just could not believe how willing she was to obey him, it must have been something that she changed about herself in order to complete her tasks in the field. ‘I want you to relax, take a deep breath for me.’ She did as he asked and Alexander watched her chest rise and fall gently. ‘Try to focus for me, try not to think about what’s happening to your body, just think about something neutral for a while.’ 

Alexander waited a while, just watching her face move and twitch with the concentration she needed to focus on anything that wasn’t the influx of chemicals circling her body and making it difficult to focus on anything in the present. 

Eventually, Frances let her eyes flutter open, they looked as normal as they could be until she turned her head to face him, that was when they smiled and slightly darkened. 

‘Thank you.’ She whispered with a dry throat.

‘For what?’

‘For reminding me how good it feels to be myself.’ 

Alexander smiled and for the longest time they just watched each other, her dark eyes staring a hole into his pale ones. He could have stayed like that for the remainder of his life and never tired, but the fact was that Frances was exhausted and he wanted to make her feel better. 

‘Tell me something you want.’ Alexander asked, softly. ‘Anything you want right now.’

Frances smiled and thought for a moment. ‘I’m starving again.’ She laughed and he couldn’t help but join in.

Alexander made them both something to eat, something light and easy for her to digest and helped her drink some water when it was clear she would struggle on her own. He helped her unplug from her tablet and sit at the table, watching the view outside. She was incredibly beautiful, even the scar on her neck was invisible in the moments they shared. All Alexander could see was the possible future that may never have been.

‘Why do you look so sad?’ Frances asked, resting on her pulled up knees. She had yet to remove his hoodie.

‘Do I look sad?’ Alexander half laughed finishing his coffee.

‘You know you do.’

He nodded and took a breath. ‘I’m sad because I keep thinking how wonderful the last couple of hours have been and I know, come midnight, this will all just be a memory. I’m caught between savouring every single moment, or distracting myself from it, if only to fend off the hardship later on.’

‘The hardship?’

‘The better this day is for me, the harder it will be to let go.’ Alexander clarified and felt a lump form in his throat. Frances just watched him curiously.

‘What would you do if you had more than just one day?’

Alexander smiled and tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear. ‘I would endeavour to please you every single day, make you smile, make you feel okay, make things easy for you… every single day. I’d give you anything you wanted, whatever you wanted, simply because you desire it.’

‘That sounds like a lot of work.’ She chuckled, but Alexander shook his head.

‘You make it easy for me.’ Alexander leaned on his hand to watch her the same way he did the first time they had coffee together. ‘You make a lot of things feel easy.’ 

Frances scanned every single part of his face and smiled, blushing slightly. She seemed almost entirely different to the person he had known only a few hours ago and it got Alexander wondering about how long she had been adjusting herself for. He frowned and decided to ask the obvious question.

‘When is the last time your vitals were at your baseline?’ 

Frances lifted her head and half laughed, trying to remember. ‘Now, there’s a question… erm… probably before the monitor was installed, so… maybe ten, eleven years ago?’

Alexander felt his chest inflate with panic, he quickly darted over to the tablet they’d left on the bed and as he suspected, some of the chemicals she had been pumping into her system for so long should not have been cut off so quickly.

‘What’s wrong?’ Frances asked, slowly standing up.

‘I’m sorry, I should not have been so reckless in my intentions.’ Alexander got the cable ready to plug her back into the tablet and stop her body from going into shock. ‘Please lay down.’

Frances did as she was asked, but the look of fear on her face was evident. Alexander worked quickly and began slowly bringing the levels back up to just below the adjusted ones. He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her heart slow down considerably.

‘There.’ Alexander sighed in relief. He looked up at her now somewhat hardened eyes.

‘I told you I didn’t think it was a good idea.’ She said, visibly upset.

‘I know,’ he nodded. ‘But if it helps, that was the best morning I think I’ve ever had. You enjoyed it as well.’ 

Frances said nothing and Alexander was finding her expression difficult to read. They stayed in silence for a few moments and he was beginning to wonder what it was he was supposed to do.

‘I am struggling to know what to say.’ Alexander gave a half smile.

‘What do you want to say?’ Frances frowned slightly.

He felt his mouth go dry, his instinct was tell her that he loved her, something he was unsure of saying out of fear for her reaction. ‘I love you.’

‘Don’t tell me that.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because you’re only going to make this harder, you said so yourself.’ Frances reasoned, her eyes were glistening with tears.

‘You think it hasn’t been hard already?’ Alexander tried to be gentle. ‘Frances, I can’t spend the day reminding you that you gave this day to me, to do with as I please. I want to spend it with you properly.’

‘What does that even mean?’ Frances groaned, frustration getting the better of her.

‘It means…’ he paused. ‘It means words are no longer a useful way of communicating.’ Alexander leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, knowing full well that she could reject him outright, but instead she didn’t even show signs of resistance. She softly hummed against him and Alexander ran his fingers through her soft hair and felt her respond to his movements, she wanted to be with him, despite her resistance, she wanted him.

He couldn’t find it in himself to stop, she just tasted so good, everything about her being was beautiful and blissful and if he had it his way, no one would ever be able to say otherwise ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I hope you liked that, the story will continue and we will find out just how they managed to get into this predicament in the first place. Enjoy!


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